Hello again everyone. This is part four of the series Anxiety Insights. A lot of people suffer from bouts of anxiety from time to time rather than all the time like me and a lot of others. Although their anxiety is not constant, and is not something that follows them around, it is something that when triggered can be detrimental to leading a normal day to day life. This story is written by Beatrice* who is a 22 year old city worker from London...
"My anxiety first started when I got my first job working in London. It was my first proper 'grown up' job, in the centre of London in a big, well known company relating to the media and involved a lot of changes in my life, and a lot of new responsibilities. It was about a month into working there and I started to get an overwhelming feeling of worry and sadness for no apparent reason. I started turning up for work and would get asked to carry out the smallest tasks and I would want to burst into tears. My job role was to organise other people's lives so the overwhelming feelings I felt when asked to literally do my job made me so upset and panicked. I held my emotions in for around 2 weeks until one day after work I came home and it was a beautiful day. So beautiful, my family were having a BBQ, so my mood couldn't be more different. I could hear laughter from them all as I walked through the front door and it was then when the waterworks started and I didn't stop crying for a couple of days.
My parents thought something awful had happened and when they asked me what was wrong, I couldn't tell them. I didn't know why I felt this way and that just made me ten times worse. The fact that I couldn't put it right because I didn't know what was causing it made this time so much more difficult for me. I attempted to go into work the next day however I managed to only get so far on the tube that I had to get off where my mum worked and I went to see her. I just couldn't face going into work. I was scared but I didn't know why. I just couldn't carry out my normal day with this horrible, anxious feeling on my shoulders. My mum decided to take the day off work and take me shopping to cheer me up and we spent most the day walking round the shopping centre. Before I knew it, I had stopped crying and that feeling of panic and worry had disappeared. From that moment onwards, with the help of my Mum and Dad, I realised I needed a distraction to get me out of the claustrophobic bubble of worry that I was in. Once I got used to the change n my life, having to travel into London for my new job, getting to grips with the new job, my anxiety lifted and I luckily haven't been affected since. I still sometimes feel a little anxious when the tube is busy or I feel claustrophobic but nothing like the feelings I felt when I first started this chapter in my life.
To help me control my anxiety, I try and remove myself from the situation that I'm in by reading books on my kindle or iPad or listening to music. I've found that doing an activity which focuses my mind on something completely different really helps me forget that I'm on a cramped train or standing at a rammed station platform, and keeps my anxiety at bay. I also try to think about people less fortunate than me. Putting things into perspective makes me realise that really I have nothing to worry about, however it's still important to recognise that my problems aren't "nothing", it's just my way of picking myself back on and carrying on.
I've now managed to realise what makes my anxiety the worse and that's change. Any form of change in my life can trigger it. From changing my travel plans, changing job roles, changing social plans or plans for the week and having to rush. These kind of things send me into panic mode so when these occur it makes me really emotional and frustrated.
I think if anyone is suffering from anxiety is reading or relating to this, my advice would be to really work hard to use the technique of distraction. Turn your music up, download a new book to dive into or download an addictive game like Candy Crush. Make sure you do more of what makes you happy. Happiness helps you to have a clearer mind and this may lead you to understand why you are feeling anxious, and be able to distract yourself from it."
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Monday, 4 July 2016
Saturday, 25 June 2016
Bruno's Story | Anxiety Insight: Part Three
Hello again! This post will be the third part of my series 'Anxiety Insight'. This story is from a 22 year old office worker called Bruno*. This story helps everyone understand that men suffer from anxiety as well as women. It is by no means a 'female illness' as Bruno will tell you in his story...
"My anxiety must have started around the start of 2014, but considering I used to spend all my time in my bedroom until the age of about 15 doing nothing, it probably started earlier I just didn't realise. I starred realise there was a problem when I started suffering from rapid heart rate, sweating, nausea, dizziness, depressed thoughts, extreme worry and fear although there was nothing to worry about, insomnia, restlessness. I also became very hostile towards people I was close to and felt myself becoming niggardly with emotions.
In my opinion, my doctor didn't help me comes to terms with my anxiety very much. I was referred for CBT (Cognitive a Behavioural Therapy) and it didn't really work for me. I don't believe you can teach someone to think differently, but that may just be me being stubborn and believing only intrinsic affirmation can help you. I was prescribed Propanolol by my GP and helped for a period of time in terms of calming my heart rate a fair bit, but after a while I got used to them and they didn't help. When I told my Doctor this, I was prescribed double the doseage, but this just produced bad side effects such as confusion and feeling completely brain dead because my heart rate slowed right down so I felt I had no energy. What helps me? A cigarette helps, but only for around 5 minutes. It's not a permeant solution. Music is a big help. I helps me escape my anxious thoughts. And although I cringe at admitting it, being in the company of my girlfriend is probably the biggest help of them all.
My anxiety does affect my job and the work I have to do. I work in an office and I find it hard to concentrate and struggle to sit still sometimes. This means I make mistakes which I normally wouldn't, which makes me feel crap some times. I also have no motivation to socialise and have no interest in the things that I used to love like playing football. After work and at weekends, I just want to relax and be in the comfort of my own home.
My advice to anyone who can relate to any of my story and thinks they may have anxiety is to seek medical help. This may seem hypocritical considering what I said above about my experience with NHS services, but this was just for me, and as I said, I can be quite stubborn about my beliefs. Going to see your doctor may help somebody else dramatically and really should be the first point of call in terms of getting help. I would also advise someone to find something in life which gives them solace. Something that allows to escape from the world even just for a little while. Things like watching TV or listening to music are great solaces for me"
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual.
"My anxiety must have started around the start of 2014, but considering I used to spend all my time in my bedroom until the age of about 15 doing nothing, it probably started earlier I just didn't realise. I starred realise there was a problem when I started suffering from rapid heart rate, sweating, nausea, dizziness, depressed thoughts, extreme worry and fear although there was nothing to worry about, insomnia, restlessness. I also became very hostile towards people I was close to and felt myself becoming niggardly with emotions.
In my opinion, my doctor didn't help me comes to terms with my anxiety very much. I was referred for CBT (Cognitive a Behavioural Therapy) and it didn't really work for me. I don't believe you can teach someone to think differently, but that may just be me being stubborn and believing only intrinsic affirmation can help you. I was prescribed Propanolol by my GP and helped for a period of time in terms of calming my heart rate a fair bit, but after a while I got used to them and they didn't help. When I told my Doctor this, I was prescribed double the doseage, but this just produced bad side effects such as confusion and feeling completely brain dead because my heart rate slowed right down so I felt I had no energy. What helps me? A cigarette helps, but only for around 5 minutes. It's not a permeant solution. Music is a big help. I helps me escape my anxious thoughts. And although I cringe at admitting it, being in the company of my girlfriend is probably the biggest help of them all.
My anxiety does affect my job and the work I have to do. I work in an office and I find it hard to concentrate and struggle to sit still sometimes. This means I make mistakes which I normally wouldn't, which makes me feel crap some times. I also have no motivation to socialise and have no interest in the things that I used to love like playing football. After work and at weekends, I just want to relax and be in the comfort of my own home.
My advice to anyone who can relate to any of my story and thinks they may have anxiety is to seek medical help. This may seem hypocritical considering what I said above about my experience with NHS services, but this was just for me, and as I said, I can be quite stubborn about my beliefs. Going to see your doctor may help somebody else dramatically and really should be the first point of call in terms of getting help. I would also advise someone to find something in life which gives them solace. Something that allows to escape from the world even just for a little while. Things like watching TV or listening to music are great solaces for me"
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual.
Tuesday, 21 June 2016
Chloe's Story | Anxiety Insight: Part Two
Hello again everyone. This is a second post in the Anxiety Insight series. Chloe* is a 20 year old university student who suffers with overlapping and integrating mental illnesses which is very common for a lot of people. Here is Chloe's story...
"I thought that my anxiety started when my bulimia surfaced, but after having some counselling and learning about anxiety I realised I'd probably had it since I was 5/6. I had a bit of a turbulent home life so I thought it was normal to feel incredibly nervous and self-concious all the time. As my eating disorder and depression got worse, so did the anxiety and that's when it became a real problem because I was stuck in a toxic cycle.
Eating disorders often trigger anxiety and depression - and the three are very closely interlinked. I began to have panic attacks frequently and isolated myself. I get very shaky, short of breath, fidgety, and just in general, extremely overwhelmed. If I had a problem related to my food issues I would get incredibly anxious, but then at the same time revert to the habits of my eating disorder if I felt overwhelmed. I stopped going to college, stopped seeing friends until it became too much to handle on my own.
When it comes to dealing with my illness, I did seek help from my GP when it got really bad. After the third visit, my doctor referred me for therapy and my therapist was amazing. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helped me deal with my illnesses and made me feel like there was hope. I also love writing, so whenever I'm anxious I try to write everything down on a piece of paper. It doesn't matter to me if it doesn't make sense, just getting everything out of my head helps me so much. My mental illnesses still affect me daily even though I consider myself to be well into recovery. I still isolate myself quite a lot when I'm anxious or low, and have the odd panic attack now and again. I get really anxious talking to new / certain types of people. Going out can be really difficult because I am so self critical and a perfectionist all the time and I am terrified of what anyone might say / think about me - my looks, behaviours, anything. It's hard to describe how consuming living with mental illness is because it does affect a huge amount of your life, but explaining it is quite hard, as those of you who suffer from a similar illness will know. I feel like I should be much stronger than I am. More 'normal' and like everyone else. But on positive days I do sit back and reflect and think "well done, you've come a long way". I'm so much better than I used to be and reminding myself of this helps a lot.
If you're reading this and you suffer with any kind of mental illness, the best thing to do is talk to someone. It's the one thing you never want to do, but make sure you reach out to the most trustworthy people in your life. Yes, I've been burned before by opening up to an exboyfriend and he started to use them against me, but my best friends have been so amazing and supportive. My advice would be to be prepared to possibly educate them a little bit on what you're suffering with as they might not actually understand it as well as they think they do. This way they can support you a lot more and understand why you are the way that you are. Also, go to your GP and ask for help is a great thing to do, as talking to a professional can do amazing things for your mental health. Because they are professionals and are there to help any illness, whether that be of mind or of body, they can help you find a way out as well as speaking to someone who won't judge you.
Finally, for anyone reading this who suffers with a mental illness, you are doing so well just by tackling a mental illness in the first place so don't be hard on yourself. "
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
"I thought that my anxiety started when my bulimia surfaced, but after having some counselling and learning about anxiety I realised I'd probably had it since I was 5/6. I had a bit of a turbulent home life so I thought it was normal to feel incredibly nervous and self-concious all the time. As my eating disorder and depression got worse, so did the anxiety and that's when it became a real problem because I was stuck in a toxic cycle.
Eating disorders often trigger anxiety and depression - and the three are very closely interlinked. I began to have panic attacks frequently and isolated myself. I get very shaky, short of breath, fidgety, and just in general, extremely overwhelmed. If I had a problem related to my food issues I would get incredibly anxious, but then at the same time revert to the habits of my eating disorder if I felt overwhelmed. I stopped going to college, stopped seeing friends until it became too much to handle on my own.
When it comes to dealing with my illness, I did seek help from my GP when it got really bad. After the third visit, my doctor referred me for therapy and my therapist was amazing. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helped me deal with my illnesses and made me feel like there was hope. I also love writing, so whenever I'm anxious I try to write everything down on a piece of paper. It doesn't matter to me if it doesn't make sense, just getting everything out of my head helps me so much. My mental illnesses still affect me daily even though I consider myself to be well into recovery. I still isolate myself quite a lot when I'm anxious or low, and have the odd panic attack now and again. I get really anxious talking to new / certain types of people. Going out can be really difficult because I am so self critical and a perfectionist all the time and I am terrified of what anyone might say / think about me - my looks, behaviours, anything. It's hard to describe how consuming living with mental illness is because it does affect a huge amount of your life, but explaining it is quite hard, as those of you who suffer from a similar illness will know. I feel like I should be much stronger than I am. More 'normal' and like everyone else. But on positive days I do sit back and reflect and think "well done, you've come a long way". I'm so much better than I used to be and reminding myself of this helps a lot.
If you're reading this and you suffer with any kind of mental illness, the best thing to do is talk to someone. It's the one thing you never want to do, but make sure you reach out to the most trustworthy people in your life. Yes, I've been burned before by opening up to an exboyfriend and he started to use them against me, but my best friends have been so amazing and supportive. My advice would be to be prepared to possibly educate them a little bit on what you're suffering with as they might not actually understand it as well as they think they do. This way they can support you a lot more and understand why you are the way that you are. Also, go to your GP and ask for help is a great thing to do, as talking to a professional can do amazing things for your mental health. Because they are professionals and are there to help any illness, whether that be of mind or of body, they can help you find a way out as well as speaking to someone who won't judge you.
Finally, for anyone reading this who suffers with a mental illness, you are doing so well just by tackling a mental illness in the first place so don't be hard on yourself. "
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Belle's Story | Anxiety Insight: Part One
This is the first blog post of a series I have called "Anxiety Insight" which other people suffering from anxiety get to share their stories with my readers too. This insight really will show how diverse and different anxiety is from person to person. Part one in this series is Belle's story. Belle* is a 23 year old student who has suffered from anxiety for 9 years...
"For years I never knew what was wrong with me. I suppose it started when I was 14. I was really really poorly with a virus over Christmas and stayed off school for about a month, then when I went back I just remember being so scared. The fear that I had when I was outside of the house and at school meant that I stopped eating because I was so scared of getting ill and being sick again. Every morning was a constant battle with my Mum to not go to school.
After a while my Mum went to the doctors on my behalf and explained how I was. I had lost between 1 and 1.5 stone in a month so I had to go the doctors and talk about how I was feeling. At this point I still didn't know what was wrong with me. Eventually, I got referred to CAMHS (Child and Adolecent Mental Health Services) where I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 17. This was solely down to the fact that I didn't eat because of the fear of becoming ill like I was over that Christmas again.
While all this was going on, my anxiety had progressed to the point where I was unable to even leave the house at all some days, and if I was able to leave, I had a huge checklist of things I had to take with me in order to make me feel safe. I would take plastic bags in case I was sick, three bottles of water (I hardly ever took a sip out of one let alone 3, but I would worry that I would run out of water if I only took one bottle), ginger biscuits to settle nausea, hair bobbles and hair grips in case I was sick in public and lots of tablets. Paracetamol, ibuprofen and antiemetics galore. In reality I never needed them. It was the only way I'd go out of the house.
Only in recent years have I been able to accept and understand that my anorexia diagnosis was incorrect and was only given to me by CAMHS due to the fact my fear of the unknown outside the four walls of my safe home was causing me not to eat. What I was actually suffering from was anxiety. I have since tried to get this diagnosis label removed as its got in the way of things in my life and nearly prevented me from getting a place on my course at university.
I was referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which in my opinion hasn't worked for me. I soon realised that I had to accept what was wrong with me and find my own ways of dealing with it all. Something that helps me a lot with my anxiety is tackling each little thing at a time and not expecting everything to be fixed over night. Knowing everything I've accomplished, and the things I've got through, proves it can't control my life and I understand now that there are going to be down days and things I struggle with but I stay positive and remember how well I've done. I have to try my best with things that trigger my anxiety, and if it doesn't go to plan, I try again another day.
I think something that I would like others dealing with anxiety to know is that it does get better. I'm proof of that. I've gone from not being able to leave the house and having my attendance at school at 42% during my GCSE year, to studying for a university degree that will get me a job that I've wanted my whole life. My anxiety controlled my life to the point where I didn't have a life. It's been 9 years, and it's important to note that I do still struggle but I am 110% better than I was and ever thought I could be."
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
"For years I never knew what was wrong with me. I suppose it started when I was 14. I was really really poorly with a virus over Christmas and stayed off school for about a month, then when I went back I just remember being so scared. The fear that I had when I was outside of the house and at school meant that I stopped eating because I was so scared of getting ill and being sick again. Every morning was a constant battle with my Mum to not go to school.
After a while my Mum went to the doctors on my behalf and explained how I was. I had lost between 1 and 1.5 stone in a month so I had to go the doctors and talk about how I was feeling. At this point I still didn't know what was wrong with me. Eventually, I got referred to CAMHS (Child and Adolecent Mental Health Services) where I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 17. This was solely down to the fact that I didn't eat because of the fear of becoming ill like I was over that Christmas again.
While all this was going on, my anxiety had progressed to the point where I was unable to even leave the house at all some days, and if I was able to leave, I had a huge checklist of things I had to take with me in order to make me feel safe. I would take plastic bags in case I was sick, three bottles of water (I hardly ever took a sip out of one let alone 3, but I would worry that I would run out of water if I only took one bottle), ginger biscuits to settle nausea, hair bobbles and hair grips in case I was sick in public and lots of tablets. Paracetamol, ibuprofen and antiemetics galore. In reality I never needed them. It was the only way I'd go out of the house.
Only in recent years have I been able to accept and understand that my anorexia diagnosis was incorrect and was only given to me by CAMHS due to the fact my fear of the unknown outside the four walls of my safe home was causing me not to eat. What I was actually suffering from was anxiety. I have since tried to get this diagnosis label removed as its got in the way of things in my life and nearly prevented me from getting a place on my course at university.
I was referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which in my opinion hasn't worked for me. I soon realised that I had to accept what was wrong with me and find my own ways of dealing with it all. Something that helps me a lot with my anxiety is tackling each little thing at a time and not expecting everything to be fixed over night. Knowing everything I've accomplished, and the things I've got through, proves it can't control my life and I understand now that there are going to be down days and things I struggle with but I stay positive and remember how well I've done. I have to try my best with things that trigger my anxiety, and if it doesn't go to plan, I try again another day.
I think something that I would like others dealing with anxiety to know is that it does get better. I'm proof of that. I've gone from not being able to leave the house and having my attendance at school at 42% during my GCSE year, to studying for a university degree that will get me a job that I've wanted my whole life. My anxiety controlled my life to the point where I didn't have a life. It's been 9 years, and it's important to note that I do still struggle but I am 110% better than I was and ever thought I could be."
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
The Weight Gain Support Programme | We Need Your Help.
Nursing instincts have hit me again.
A few weeks ago, I read an article in a national newspaper about a lady in my home town who was trying to spread awareness and support for an issue very close to her heart and a lot of others. I thought her story was so brave and wanted to show my support, so I hunted her down on Facebook and told her.
As someone who writes my own blog to spread awareness on anxiety and panic disorder, I know how difficult it can be sometimes, so I really wanted to actively help in spreading the awareness her cause definitely deserves. So far, I have volunteered to admin some social media pages which I will do my very best for to help those who need help, find it. I do hope to help out more as the organisation progresses.
The founder of the support group, Kimberly, has taken it upon herself to start support groups, similar to Weight Watchers and Slimming World but for those who struggle to put on weight, rather than lose it. Being underweight is an 'invisible' illness and one that needs to be talked about more. Not everyone who is thin wants to be thin, in the same way that not everyone who is bigger is happy at the size that they are. As many of you who have experienced weight loss groups, they are motivating. They are empowering. They are a place of moral support. They are a place to make friends. They are a place to not feel so alone. They are a place to discuss your problems and be educated on how to help solve the problems. This is what we want for those who want to gain weight.
After doing some research, Kimberly found that the only help available for those underweight and wanting to gain weight was BEAT, an eating disorder charity. However, and this is a big however, BEAT do not offer support for individuals without a diagnosed mental illness or eating disorder. Kimberley's personal story involved unexpected weight loss after a stressful time and she really struggled for years to put the weight back on. She still struggles today but in well into her recovery. She herself dropped to a shocking 5 stone 4 lbs and a BMI of 11.3 and was given no support other than 'try to eat more' and 'try to eat little and often'.
Problems like this are so much more than just 'eat more', just like losing weight isn't just 'eat less'. Both take strength and need courage and support which society is lacking at the moment for those trying to lose weight. So many people I know have had success using weight loss support groups out there, so why not help support the creation of the same groups for those on the opposite side of the spectrum? There are people out there that need empowering to come forward and ask for help.
With the right support, the right education and the right services readily available for those in need, individuals who are struggling with their weight can reach out and get themselves the support, motivation and inspiration they desperately need. Services like the support groups hoping to be set up in the near future can drastically change an individual's life or even save it.
The Facebook support page The Weight Gain Support Group is linked below and if we want to make a difference, we need it spreading so people who need help, just like Kimberly did, can get it.
There is also a UK government petition that needs signing by supporters to allow us to move forward with the support initiatives to help those in need of a help in hand. It's completely free to sign the petition. Please enter the details and an email will be sent to your email address to confirm you want to sign the petition.
The Princes Trust have offered to support Kimberly on her mission to change lives by offering training and qualifications to be able to provide the appropriate and essential support people who come forward for support need.
Please please please help us save lives and give those in need the support and help that they yearn for and deserve. Please sign the petition and share the Facebook Page.
Article about Kimberlys Story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3619454/Five-stone-mother-frail-pick-child-celebrates-weight-gain-stripping-underwear-candid-selfies.html
Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/The-Weight-Gain-Support-Group-493514474176982/
UK government petition: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/132066
On behalf of Kimberly, thank you in advance for your support.
Love Luce xo
A few weeks ago, I read an article in a national newspaper about a lady in my home town who was trying to spread awareness and support for an issue very close to her heart and a lot of others. I thought her story was so brave and wanted to show my support, so I hunted her down on Facebook and told her.
As someone who writes my own blog to spread awareness on anxiety and panic disorder, I know how difficult it can be sometimes, so I really wanted to actively help in spreading the awareness her cause definitely deserves. So far, I have volunteered to admin some social media pages which I will do my very best for to help those who need help, find it. I do hope to help out more as the organisation progresses.
The founder of the support group, Kimberly, has taken it upon herself to start support groups, similar to Weight Watchers and Slimming World but for those who struggle to put on weight, rather than lose it. Being underweight is an 'invisible' illness and one that needs to be talked about more. Not everyone who is thin wants to be thin, in the same way that not everyone who is bigger is happy at the size that they are. As many of you who have experienced weight loss groups, they are motivating. They are empowering. They are a place of moral support. They are a place to make friends. They are a place to not feel so alone. They are a place to discuss your problems and be educated on how to help solve the problems. This is what we want for those who want to gain weight.
After doing some research, Kimberly found that the only help available for those underweight and wanting to gain weight was BEAT, an eating disorder charity. However, and this is a big however, BEAT do not offer support for individuals without a diagnosed mental illness or eating disorder. Kimberley's personal story involved unexpected weight loss after a stressful time and she really struggled for years to put the weight back on. She still struggles today but in well into her recovery. She herself dropped to a shocking 5 stone 4 lbs and a BMI of 11.3 and was given no support other than 'try to eat more' and 'try to eat little and often'.
Problems like this are so much more than just 'eat more', just like losing weight isn't just 'eat less'. Both take strength and need courage and support which society is lacking at the moment for those trying to lose weight. So many people I know have had success using weight loss support groups out there, so why not help support the creation of the same groups for those on the opposite side of the spectrum? There are people out there that need empowering to come forward and ask for help.
With the right support, the right education and the right services readily available for those in need, individuals who are struggling with their weight can reach out and get themselves the support, motivation and inspiration they desperately need. Services like the support groups hoping to be set up in the near future can drastically change an individual's life or even save it.
The Facebook support page The Weight Gain Support Group is linked below and if we want to make a difference, we need it spreading so people who need help, just like Kimberly did, can get it.
There is also a UK government petition that needs signing by supporters to allow us to move forward with the support initiatives to help those in need of a help in hand. It's completely free to sign the petition. Please enter the details and an email will be sent to your email address to confirm you want to sign the petition.
The Princes Trust have offered to support Kimberly on her mission to change lives by offering training and qualifications to be able to provide the appropriate and essential support people who come forward for support need.
Please please please help us save lives and give those in need the support and help that they yearn for and deserve. Please sign the petition and share the Facebook Page.
Article about Kimberlys Story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3619454/Five-stone-mother-frail-pick-child-celebrates-weight-gain-stripping-underwear-candid-selfies.html
Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/The-Weight-Gain-Support-Group-493514474176982/
UK government petition: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/132066
On behalf of Kimberly, thank you in advance for your support.
Love Luce xo
Saturday, 4 June 2016
Mind | How Mind Helped Me
Mind is a charity that solely focuses on not only spreading awareness and advice for those surrounded by mental illness, but empowers those who suffer from illness of the mind. For me, the first time I approached Mind was two years ago when I started to to question my mental health. I read through the information sheets on the different mental illnesses that affect people and realised a lot of the signs and symptoms listed on the link titled "anxiety and panic attacks" correlated with my personality, emotions and behaviour. Back then, I didn't think much more of it and didn't return to the website until a year later when my illness started to develop and change aspects of my life that I didn't want it to.
I had already been diagnosed with anxiety and had ended up in A&E after a panic attack and had been medicated to sedate me so I know I needed to educate myself on what was going on. Funnily enough, when my GP told me he thought I had anxiety, I did no research as I thought I knew it all (typical student nurse). I already knew I was the perfectly painted picture of what anxiety would look like in human form but never even considered having a panic disorder too. The doctor in A&E mentioned panic attacks and the morning after my trip to hospital (which was the day of being signed off sick), I googled 'panic attacks' and was redirected to the Mind website. At this point, I reached out to Mind for advice and answers.
What was wrong with me? Why was my body doing this? Why me? Why now? How can I stop it? When will it go away?
Of course, I learnt more from that website than I ever had in my two hour lecture on mental health and Mind wrote the information in such a way that I lost possession of all the negative attachments I'd linked to these mental illnesses I'd suddenly been diagnosed with, even just for a few minutes. The first paragraph on anxiety on the Mind website is this:
"Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of unease, worry and fear. It incorporates both the emotions and the physical sensations we might experience when we are worried or nervous about something. Although we usually find it unpleasant, anxiety is related to the ‘fight or flight’ response – our normal biological reaction to feeling threatened."
For me, even this first paragraph allowed me to feel somewhat normal. The fight or flight response was normal. The word normal was within that paragraph. I wasn't crazy. The information was subcategorised into sections focusing on the different questions I had. There was a section on why it happens, a section on how to treat it.
The best bit about the website for me is the links it offered to videos, podcasts and blog posts, on personal experiences people have with their mental illness. Sitting in front of my laptop reading a story about a girl who's anxiety controlled her life at university made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was like I was reading all the words I wanted to scream. In a world where people assume anxiety is being 'scared for no reason', there were people out there just like me.
Mind gave me the confidence to open up to people closest to me. It allowed me to simply send them the link to the information surrounding anxiety and panic disorder so my loved ones could read and educate themselves before asking me questions I was afraid to answer. Mind sets it out so their webpage is not difficult to navigate around, the information is not full of medical terminology that floats straight over your head. It's simple, easy to read material that allows for further research if needed and that's amazing. At the beginning of it all, I was very embarrassed about my illnesses and Mind gave me the power to be able to be strong and feel somewhat normal. I still refer back to Mind when I feel like I have an unanswered question and Mind is always the website I recommend to people who come to me for help and advice. If anything, Mind gave me the courage to start talking openly about my mental health and the passion to empower others to be honest and accepting of the way that they are, no matter how difficult it may be.
Here's the link to Mind website and all web pages I have discussed above. I hope Mind can be as much help for you and your family and friends as it was for me.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.V07OaJB4WK0
http://www.mind.org.uk
Love Luce xo
I had already been diagnosed with anxiety and had ended up in A&E after a panic attack and had been medicated to sedate me so I know I needed to educate myself on what was going on. Funnily enough, when my GP told me he thought I had anxiety, I did no research as I thought I knew it all (typical student nurse). I already knew I was the perfectly painted picture of what anxiety would look like in human form but never even considered having a panic disorder too. The doctor in A&E mentioned panic attacks and the morning after my trip to hospital (which was the day of being signed off sick), I googled 'panic attacks' and was redirected to the Mind website. At this point, I reached out to Mind for advice and answers.
What was wrong with me? Why was my body doing this? Why me? Why now? How can I stop it? When will it go away?
Of course, I learnt more from that website than I ever had in my two hour lecture on mental health and Mind wrote the information in such a way that I lost possession of all the negative attachments I'd linked to these mental illnesses I'd suddenly been diagnosed with, even just for a few minutes. The first paragraph on anxiety on the Mind website is this:
"Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of unease, worry and fear. It incorporates both the emotions and the physical sensations we might experience when we are worried or nervous about something. Although we usually find it unpleasant, anxiety is related to the ‘fight or flight’ response – our normal biological reaction to feeling threatened."
For me, even this first paragraph allowed me to feel somewhat normal. The fight or flight response was normal. The word normal was within that paragraph. I wasn't crazy. The information was subcategorised into sections focusing on the different questions I had. There was a section on why it happens, a section on how to treat it.
The best bit about the website for me is the links it offered to videos, podcasts and blog posts, on personal experiences people have with their mental illness. Sitting in front of my laptop reading a story about a girl who's anxiety controlled her life at university made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was like I was reading all the words I wanted to scream. In a world where people assume anxiety is being 'scared for no reason', there were people out there just like me.
Mind gave me the confidence to open up to people closest to me. It allowed me to simply send them the link to the information surrounding anxiety and panic disorder so my loved ones could read and educate themselves before asking me questions I was afraid to answer. Mind sets it out so their webpage is not difficult to navigate around, the information is not full of medical terminology that floats straight over your head. It's simple, easy to read material that allows for further research if needed and that's amazing. At the beginning of it all, I was very embarrassed about my illnesses and Mind gave me the power to be able to be strong and feel somewhat normal. I still refer back to Mind when I feel like I have an unanswered question and Mind is always the website I recommend to people who come to me for help and advice. If anything, Mind gave me the courage to start talking openly about my mental health and the passion to empower others to be honest and accepting of the way that they are, no matter how difficult it may be.
Here's the link to Mind website and all web pages I have discussed above. I hope Mind can be as much help for you and your family and friends as it was for me.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.V07OaJB4WK0
http://www.mind.org.uk
Love Luce xo
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
Anti-Anxiety Pets | Pets As Therapy
I will just start with a disclaimer that if you don't like animals (mainly cats) or don't believe they can help physical and mental illnesses then this post may not be for you, however if you are confused at what I mean by help physical and mental illnesses, keep reading.
The title is something that many people may of heard of before, usually in the form of a PAT dog who visits residential homes and hospital to help cheer up and help patients and residents in a therapeutic manner. As someone who has grown up being the daughter of a care home manager and then going on to become a student nurse myself, I have seen pet and animal assisted therapy a lot and seen how much good comes from something that has no idea how happy it is making people. PAT dogs are very common and popular, especially in the UK, and many care establishments have a regular PAT dog that visits individuals who get great pleasure out of having a companion for a while; something to stroke, pet, cuddle with, play with or simply admire. The Pets As Therapy website linked here gives a lot more information on how and why this type of therapy is so amazing, but for this blog post I'm going to be talking about my experience with how any pet can be therapy for someone, whether they know it or not.
Many people do assume that for an animal to have any therapeutic effect on an individual, it has to be trained in doing so. Personally, I think this is rubbish. Yes, PAT dogs and some therapy animals are specially trained to obey commands, sit nicely on people's laps, allow people to stroke them and be used to a lot of human interaction for the main purpose that without the training, the behaviour of the animal is unpredictable. Trainers do not want patients who are meant to be being therapeutically cared for to be bitten, scratched, hissed at or barked at as this leaves a dollop of negativity for all those who encountered it. However, I personally believe that any animal, so long as it has a good and friendly relationship with you, can give just as much, if not more, individualised therapy as a trained puppy can.
In February this year, my Mum and Dad bought me a kitten for my 21st birthday. They told me to choose the one I liked the best and that she would be my kitten that I could build a relationship with and use her to cheer me up whenever I'm scared or low. It was the most amazing present I got, and the thought that had been put into it was incredible. I named her Darcy and she was beautiful. She was crazy but she loved to cuddle and she loved being around me. From the very first day we brought her home, she changed my mood instantly. I've always been a cat person and grown up with a cat all my life, but after a period of 2 years without one, having a 15 week old kitten to play with and cuddle and show me affection really honestly helped my anxiety a lot. She not only helped me, she helped my whole family, who at the time also needed something to lift spirits when they were low and bring smiles to faces.
Heart breakingly, Darcy passed away at 5 months old from a hereditary, incurable infection which was so so sad. The four weeks the family had without her was hard, especially for me, as I saw Darcy as a symbol for the strength, development and growth I endured with my anxiety. There was nothing to go and pick up and cuddle is I was scared or sad, nothing to sit and laugh at running around the room, nothing to come and lick my face in the mornings and want to be with me all the time. For me, I needed a new forever friend to help me and the effects of my anxiety and panic disorder like Darcy did as I started to feel all the negative thoughts and feelings starting to come flooding back. Whether that was because I missed her or whether it was because I was so saddened at losing what made me gain my confidence and strength, I don't know, but I know I needed to do something. That's when I found Nellie.
Nellie is far from normal and is 100% more dog than cat. She is the only cat that I've seen carry toys around in her mouth and rip them to shreds. She parades around the house with underwear in her mouth that she's recovered from the laundry basket and cries when she can't find you in the house. Nellie was bought at 9 months old from a lovely couple who couldn't keep her any longer and needed a new home for her. From the minute I saw her, I fell in love. The first thing her previous owner said to me was "that's strange, she doesn't usually cuddle up to people like she is doing with you" which made me feel like I had to bring her home with me. She needed a new home and I needed a new therapy cat that could help me relieve stresses, calm me down, relax me from the whirlwind of emotions floating around my head, and make me smile and laugh. Now, almost 2 months on, she really does bring me so much happiness. Her personality is so crazy and different to anything I've ever seen, but she is so loving and caring too. The best bit about Nellie is she can recognise when I'm low or anxious and will come and sit on or near me. Sometimes, that's all I need. She sat with me while I revised for my last exam and just having her there to stroke and speak in my stupid high "kitty" voice relieves stress I didn't know could be relieved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that animals and pets that you live with and have a relationship with really can be all you need to calm you down if you start to feel anxious, or make you smile while you feel low. Something as simple as stroking her or her choosing to sit with me while I watch the TV gives me such a positive boost like no human has ever been able to give me. I know for those of you who don't have pets or even those that do but don't understand how cats or dogs can have this effect on people, take my word for it. My mental health has been helped so much by my little furry friend. I would honestly recommended anyone who doesn't have a pet to get one if you need some therapeutic help with your health, whether that be physical or mental.
(Apologies for how crazy-cat-lady this post sounds but I write posts on my blog that help me and inspire others)
Love Luce xo
The title is something that many people may of heard of before, usually in the form of a PAT dog who visits residential homes and hospital to help cheer up and help patients and residents in a therapeutic manner. As someone who has grown up being the daughter of a care home manager and then going on to become a student nurse myself, I have seen pet and animal assisted therapy a lot and seen how much good comes from something that has no idea how happy it is making people. PAT dogs are very common and popular, especially in the UK, and many care establishments have a regular PAT dog that visits individuals who get great pleasure out of having a companion for a while; something to stroke, pet, cuddle with, play with or simply admire. The Pets As Therapy website linked here gives a lot more information on how and why this type of therapy is so amazing, but for this blog post I'm going to be talking about my experience with how any pet can be therapy for someone, whether they know it or not.
Many people do assume that for an animal to have any therapeutic effect on an individual, it has to be trained in doing so. Personally, I think this is rubbish. Yes, PAT dogs and some therapy animals are specially trained to obey commands, sit nicely on people's laps, allow people to stroke them and be used to a lot of human interaction for the main purpose that without the training, the behaviour of the animal is unpredictable. Trainers do not want patients who are meant to be being therapeutically cared for to be bitten, scratched, hissed at or barked at as this leaves a dollop of negativity for all those who encountered it. However, I personally believe that any animal, so long as it has a good and friendly relationship with you, can give just as much, if not more, individualised therapy as a trained puppy can.
In February this year, my Mum and Dad bought me a kitten for my 21st birthday. They told me to choose the one I liked the best and that she would be my kitten that I could build a relationship with and use her to cheer me up whenever I'm scared or low. It was the most amazing present I got, and the thought that had been put into it was incredible. I named her Darcy and she was beautiful. She was crazy but she loved to cuddle and she loved being around me. From the very first day we brought her home, she changed my mood instantly. I've always been a cat person and grown up with a cat all my life, but after a period of 2 years without one, having a 15 week old kitten to play with and cuddle and show me affection really honestly helped my anxiety a lot. She not only helped me, she helped my whole family, who at the time also needed something to lift spirits when they were low and bring smiles to faces.
Heart breakingly, Darcy passed away at 5 months old from a hereditary, incurable infection which was so so sad. The four weeks the family had without her was hard, especially for me, as I saw Darcy as a symbol for the strength, development and growth I endured with my anxiety. There was nothing to go and pick up and cuddle is I was scared or sad, nothing to sit and laugh at running around the room, nothing to come and lick my face in the mornings and want to be with me all the time. For me, I needed a new forever friend to help me and the effects of my anxiety and panic disorder like Darcy did as I started to feel all the negative thoughts and feelings starting to come flooding back. Whether that was because I missed her or whether it was because I was so saddened at losing what made me gain my confidence and strength, I don't know, but I know I needed to do something. That's when I found Nellie.
Nellie is far from normal and is 100% more dog than cat. She is the only cat that I've seen carry toys around in her mouth and rip them to shreds. She parades around the house with underwear in her mouth that she's recovered from the laundry basket and cries when she can't find you in the house. Nellie was bought at 9 months old from a lovely couple who couldn't keep her any longer and needed a new home for her. From the minute I saw her, I fell in love. The first thing her previous owner said to me was "that's strange, she doesn't usually cuddle up to people like she is doing with you" which made me feel like I had to bring her home with me. She needed a new home and I needed a new therapy cat that could help me relieve stresses, calm me down, relax me from the whirlwind of emotions floating around my head, and make me smile and laugh. Now, almost 2 months on, she really does bring me so much happiness. Her personality is so crazy and different to anything I've ever seen, but she is so loving and caring too. The best bit about Nellie is she can recognise when I'm low or anxious and will come and sit on or near me. Sometimes, that's all I need. She sat with me while I revised for my last exam and just having her there to stroke and speak in my stupid high "kitty" voice relieves stress I didn't know could be relieved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that animals and pets that you live with and have a relationship with really can be all you need to calm you down if you start to feel anxious, or make you smile while you feel low. Something as simple as stroking her or her choosing to sit with me while I watch the TV gives me such a positive boost like no human has ever been able to give me. I know for those of you who don't have pets or even those that do but don't understand how cats or dogs can have this effect on people, take my word for it. My mental health has been helped so much by my little furry friend. I would honestly recommended anyone who doesn't have a pet to get one if you need some therapeutic help with your health, whether that be physical or mental.
(Apologies for how crazy-cat-lady this post sounds but I write posts on my blog that help me and inspire others)
Love Luce xo
Thursday, 17 March 2016
I Can Do This.
Okay. First off I want to apologise to anyone who has been waiting for a blog post, I've been so busy that I've really not had any time to sit down and write a post, which has upset me a fair bit in the two months I've been away, but I'm back!! Today, I want to write a post about conquering a day that I really genuinely didn't think I would be able to even start let alone finish with a smile on my face.
So one day last week I hardly slept a wink, was up all night worrying about anything and everything and found myself developing a very strong migraine from it. This is not uncommon for me and usually I would make sure that during that day I had a nap so I didn't feel so crappy and that I rested and took it easy. However, on this occasion this was not possible as I was due on a 13 hour shift. With a splitting headache and around two hours broken sleep throughout the night, at 6.15am, I got ready for work and started walking to the bus. A few yards up the road my anxiety built up and my headache was getting worse. I made the decision to call my mentor and tell her that I would not be able to make the shift. She was lovely about it and it relaxed me knowing she just wanted me well. I went back to bed and managed to nap for around two hours. As the day went on my migraine stayed but my anxiety levels dropped. I was determined that I would make it in for my shift the next day no matter how bad I felt. I made sure that I got to sleep early and dosed myself up with enough painkillers so that my headache wouldn't wake me up.
At 6 AM my alarm went off and to my complete horror, I felt exactly the same as I had the morning before. I felt scared, anxious, mentally drained, and didn't want to get out of bed for the fear of what the day would hold. The first thing I did was text one of my close friends the words "I can't do it". I My heart was racing, I started shaking and I felt instantly sick. My headache still lingered. I soon got a reply back from my friend with the words "yes you can". She talked me through how to do everything just one step at a time and it worked. She asked me what I was scared about and I replied things such as "the bus". She simply replied "but you can get off at any time". And she was right. I wasn't thinking rationally and my mind was too overwhelmed by the fear that my anxiety was beating me again. With her help and constant support that morning, I got up, got dressed, walked to the bus and went to work. I did cry all the way to the bus stop and felt like an idiot the whole way, but I needed to go to work and fight the bad thoughts. At one point I walked past a blue car exactly like my dad's and burst into tears that it wasn't his ready to take me home. I really was struggling to think rationally with everything and even having my friend on the end of the phone my mind started to wonder onto things such as "what is the bus crashes?" and "what if I have a panic attack at work?". I really wasn't helping myself but I didn't know it at the time, at the time I was trying to protect myself. Sometimes I think the fear of having a panic attack is worse than actually having one. I personally work myself up to the point where it's inevitable that a panic attack will happen and that morning I could've bet money on me having one. I had all the signs, all the symptoms, and really wasn't helping myself preventing it from happening. Luckily, I didn't. Everyone I saw that morning on my way into work was a threat, and I felt so bad for looking so scared when a lady sat next to me on the bus. It's hard when your mind is fighting against what's going on around you and only you can hear what your mind is saying and telling you to do. "Get off the bus". "Dont make eye contact with anyone". "You'll regret all this". "People will think bad of you if you go into work crying". "Just go home".
I got off the bus and walked into work. Walking down the hospital corridor with my placement ward right at the bottom end, I took a deep breath and told myself I can do it. I put my coat and bag in the staffroom, looked at myself in the mirror, washed my face, and walk down the corridor to the nurses station. The minute I entered the ward, my panic stopped. As if somebody had switched a button off in my head. I said good morning to my patients on my way to the nurses station and then said good morning to my colleagues I'd be working with that day. I was shocked to say the least, it was like nothing has happened that morning. As if anxiety wasn't even a thing. My mentor asked me how I was and if I was feeling better and I told her I'd had a rough morning but I feel fine now. As the day went on, it seemed that the mornings occurrences had simply been a dream and never really happened. My heart started beating normally, I stopped shaking and my sickness disappeared within the blink of an eye. It really was odd. Good, but odd.
I started to think about why this had happened and how my mood changed as soon as I got to work. Nothing has ever been able to snap me out of anxiety and panic like that, and I was very confused. The more I thought about it the more I realised that the ward, my patients, and the idea of me looking after them for the day over ruled my anxiety and panic. It was where I needed to be. I spoke to a friend about it and my mum and I soon realised that once I have to put somebody else first, and work hard to make them feel better, I feel better. I feel useful, happy and proud of myself for what I am doing. Yes, I had a crap morning, probably one of the crappiest mornings I've ever had, but after seeing the smiles on my patients faces as I said good morning to them and asked how they'd slept, I realised there was nothing to worry about and if something but did happen, I would handle it the best I could.
I really am doing the best job in the world for the type of person that I am. I need to feel useful, wanted, and needed or I begin to feel low, anxious and irrational. When it is your job to care for those who are unwell, you have to leave your worries at the door. It is your job to make people smile, to relieve anxiety from them and to make sure that they have nothing to worry about. This is why my anxiety and my panic stopped as soon as I was needed to ease theirs. Of course I realised I had been irrational that morning, but that's all part of my illness. I always understand and realise that my thoughts and actions are often irrational and are a product of my mental illness afterwards, but at the time, everything seems so frightening and you are almost certain that everything will go wrong. If I hadn't of text my friend that morning and has she not replied with what she did, I wouldn't of had the confidence to get up and go to work. I wouldn't of been able to realise that I can do it, that my mental illness cannot always beat me, and that I am strong enough to push through anything if I take things one step at a time. Now this is happened to me, I know that if I ever wake up feeling like that again, I just need to take things one step at a time, push through it, and know that what ever happens, I can only try my absolute best. I am so proud of myself for getting through the day, not just getting out of bed, and I really do have the most amazing friend for texting me from 6am and throughout the day. You know who you are and I love you.
No matter how dark your day may seem, there is always something to light up your path.
So one day last week I hardly slept a wink, was up all night worrying about anything and everything and found myself developing a very strong migraine from it. This is not uncommon for me and usually I would make sure that during that day I had a nap so I didn't feel so crappy and that I rested and took it easy. However, on this occasion this was not possible as I was due on a 13 hour shift. With a splitting headache and around two hours broken sleep throughout the night, at 6.15am, I got ready for work and started walking to the bus. A few yards up the road my anxiety built up and my headache was getting worse. I made the decision to call my mentor and tell her that I would not be able to make the shift. She was lovely about it and it relaxed me knowing she just wanted me well. I went back to bed and managed to nap for around two hours. As the day went on my migraine stayed but my anxiety levels dropped. I was determined that I would make it in for my shift the next day no matter how bad I felt. I made sure that I got to sleep early and dosed myself up with enough painkillers so that my headache wouldn't wake me up.
At 6 AM my alarm went off and to my complete horror, I felt exactly the same as I had the morning before. I felt scared, anxious, mentally drained, and didn't want to get out of bed for the fear of what the day would hold. The first thing I did was text one of my close friends the words "I can't do it". I My heart was racing, I started shaking and I felt instantly sick. My headache still lingered. I soon got a reply back from my friend with the words "yes you can". She talked me through how to do everything just one step at a time and it worked. She asked me what I was scared about and I replied things such as "the bus". She simply replied "but you can get off at any time". And she was right. I wasn't thinking rationally and my mind was too overwhelmed by the fear that my anxiety was beating me again. With her help and constant support that morning, I got up, got dressed, walked to the bus and went to work. I did cry all the way to the bus stop and felt like an idiot the whole way, but I needed to go to work and fight the bad thoughts. At one point I walked past a blue car exactly like my dad's and burst into tears that it wasn't his ready to take me home. I really was struggling to think rationally with everything and even having my friend on the end of the phone my mind started to wonder onto things such as "what is the bus crashes?" and "what if I have a panic attack at work?". I really wasn't helping myself but I didn't know it at the time, at the time I was trying to protect myself. Sometimes I think the fear of having a panic attack is worse than actually having one. I personally work myself up to the point where it's inevitable that a panic attack will happen and that morning I could've bet money on me having one. I had all the signs, all the symptoms, and really wasn't helping myself preventing it from happening. Luckily, I didn't. Everyone I saw that morning on my way into work was a threat, and I felt so bad for looking so scared when a lady sat next to me on the bus. It's hard when your mind is fighting against what's going on around you and only you can hear what your mind is saying and telling you to do. "Get off the bus". "Dont make eye contact with anyone". "You'll regret all this". "People will think bad of you if you go into work crying". "Just go home".
I got off the bus and walked into work. Walking down the hospital corridor with my placement ward right at the bottom end, I took a deep breath and told myself I can do it. I put my coat and bag in the staffroom, looked at myself in the mirror, washed my face, and walk down the corridor to the nurses station. The minute I entered the ward, my panic stopped. As if somebody had switched a button off in my head. I said good morning to my patients on my way to the nurses station and then said good morning to my colleagues I'd be working with that day. I was shocked to say the least, it was like nothing has happened that morning. As if anxiety wasn't even a thing. My mentor asked me how I was and if I was feeling better and I told her I'd had a rough morning but I feel fine now. As the day went on, it seemed that the mornings occurrences had simply been a dream and never really happened. My heart started beating normally, I stopped shaking and my sickness disappeared within the blink of an eye. It really was odd. Good, but odd.
I started to think about why this had happened and how my mood changed as soon as I got to work. Nothing has ever been able to snap me out of anxiety and panic like that, and I was very confused. The more I thought about it the more I realised that the ward, my patients, and the idea of me looking after them for the day over ruled my anxiety and panic. It was where I needed to be. I spoke to a friend about it and my mum and I soon realised that once I have to put somebody else first, and work hard to make them feel better, I feel better. I feel useful, happy and proud of myself for what I am doing. Yes, I had a crap morning, probably one of the crappiest mornings I've ever had, but after seeing the smiles on my patients faces as I said good morning to them and asked how they'd slept, I realised there was nothing to worry about and if something but did happen, I would handle it the best I could.
I really am doing the best job in the world for the type of person that I am. I need to feel useful, wanted, and needed or I begin to feel low, anxious and irrational. When it is your job to care for those who are unwell, you have to leave your worries at the door. It is your job to make people smile, to relieve anxiety from them and to make sure that they have nothing to worry about. This is why my anxiety and my panic stopped as soon as I was needed to ease theirs. Of course I realised I had been irrational that morning, but that's all part of my illness. I always understand and realise that my thoughts and actions are often irrational and are a product of my mental illness afterwards, but at the time, everything seems so frightening and you are almost certain that everything will go wrong. If I hadn't of text my friend that morning and has she not replied with what she did, I wouldn't of had the confidence to get up and go to work. I wouldn't of been able to realise that I can do it, that my mental illness cannot always beat me, and that I am strong enough to push through anything if I take things one step at a time. Now this is happened to me, I know that if I ever wake up feeling like that again, I just need to take things one step at a time, push through it, and know that what ever happens, I can only try my absolute best. I am so proud of myself for getting through the day, not just getting out of bed, and I really do have the most amazing friend for texting me from 6am and throughout the day. You know who you are and I love you.
No matter how dark your day may seem, there is always something to light up your path.
Love Luce xo
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