This is the first blog post of a series I have called "Anxiety Insight" which other people suffering from anxiety get to share their stories with my readers too. This insight really will show how diverse and different anxiety is from person to person. Part one in this series is Belle's story. Belle* is a 23 year old student who has suffered from anxiety for 9 years...
"For years I never knew what was wrong with me. I suppose it started when I was 14. I was really really poorly with a virus over Christmas and stayed off school for about a month, then when I went back I just remember being so scared. The fear that I had when I was outside of the house and at school meant that I stopped eating because I was so scared of getting ill and being sick again. Every morning was a constant battle with my Mum to not go to school.
After a while my Mum went to the doctors on my behalf and explained how I was. I had lost between 1 and 1.5 stone in a month so I had to go the doctors and talk about how I was feeling. At this point I still didn't know what was wrong with me. Eventually, I got referred to CAMHS (Child and Adolecent Mental Health Services) where I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 17. This was solely down to the fact that I didn't eat because of the fear of becoming ill like I was over that Christmas again.
While all this was going on, my anxiety had progressed to the point where I was unable to even leave the house at all some days, and if I was able to leave, I had a huge checklist of things I had to take with me in order to make me feel safe. I would take plastic bags in case I was sick, three bottles of water (I hardly ever took a sip out of one let alone 3, but I would worry that I would run out of water if I only took one bottle), ginger biscuits to settle nausea, hair bobbles and hair grips in case I was sick in public and lots of tablets. Paracetamol, ibuprofen and antiemetics galore. In reality I never needed them. It was the only way I'd go out of the house.
Only in recent years have I been able to accept and understand that my anorexia diagnosis was incorrect and was only given to me by CAMHS due to the fact my fear of the unknown outside the four walls of my safe home was causing me not to eat. What I was actually suffering from was anxiety. I have since tried to get this diagnosis label removed as its got in the way of things in my life and nearly prevented me from getting a place on my course at university.
I was referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which in my opinion hasn't worked for me. I soon realised that I had to accept what was wrong with me and find my own ways of dealing with it all. Something that helps me a lot with my anxiety is tackling each little thing at a time and not expecting everything to be fixed over night. Knowing everything I've accomplished, and the things I've got through, proves it can't control my life and I understand now that there are going to be down days and things I struggle with but I stay positive and remember how well I've done. I have to try my best with things that trigger my anxiety, and if it doesn't go to plan, I try again another day.
I think something that I would like others dealing with anxiety to know is that it does get better. I'm proof of that. I've gone from not being able to leave the house and having my attendance at school at 42% during my GCSE year, to studying for a university degree that will get me a job that I've wanted my whole life. My anxiety controlled my life to the point where I didn't have a life. It's been 9 years, and it's important to note that I do still struggle but I am 110% better than I was and ever thought I could be."
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
Anti-Anxiety Pets | Pets As Therapy
I will just start with a disclaimer that if you don't like animals (mainly cats) or don't believe they can help physical and mental illnesses then this post may not be for you, however if you are confused at what I mean by help physical and mental illnesses, keep reading.
The title is something that many people may of heard of before, usually in the form of a PAT dog who visits residential homes and hospital to help cheer up and help patients and residents in a therapeutic manner. As someone who has grown up being the daughter of a care home manager and then going on to become a student nurse myself, I have seen pet and animal assisted therapy a lot and seen how much good comes from something that has no idea how happy it is making people. PAT dogs are very common and popular, especially in the UK, and many care establishments have a regular PAT dog that visits individuals who get great pleasure out of having a companion for a while; something to stroke, pet, cuddle with, play with or simply admire. The Pets As Therapy website linked here gives a lot more information on how and why this type of therapy is so amazing, but for this blog post I'm going to be talking about my experience with how any pet can be therapy for someone, whether they know it or not.
Many people do assume that for an animal to have any therapeutic effect on an individual, it has to be trained in doing so. Personally, I think this is rubbish. Yes, PAT dogs and some therapy animals are specially trained to obey commands, sit nicely on people's laps, allow people to stroke them and be used to a lot of human interaction for the main purpose that without the training, the behaviour of the animal is unpredictable. Trainers do not want patients who are meant to be being therapeutically cared for to be bitten, scratched, hissed at or barked at as this leaves a dollop of negativity for all those who encountered it. However, I personally believe that any animal, so long as it has a good and friendly relationship with you, can give just as much, if not more, individualised therapy as a trained puppy can.
In February this year, my Mum and Dad bought me a kitten for my 21st birthday. They told me to choose the one I liked the best and that she would be my kitten that I could build a relationship with and use her to cheer me up whenever I'm scared or low. It was the most amazing present I got, and the thought that had been put into it was incredible. I named her Darcy and she was beautiful. She was crazy but she loved to cuddle and she loved being around me. From the very first day we brought her home, she changed my mood instantly. I've always been a cat person and grown up with a cat all my life, but after a period of 2 years without one, having a 15 week old kitten to play with and cuddle and show me affection really honestly helped my anxiety a lot. She not only helped me, she helped my whole family, who at the time also needed something to lift spirits when they were low and bring smiles to faces.
Heart breakingly, Darcy passed away at 5 months old from a hereditary, incurable infection which was so so sad. The four weeks the family had without her was hard, especially for me, as I saw Darcy as a symbol for the strength, development and growth I endured with my anxiety. There was nothing to go and pick up and cuddle is I was scared or sad, nothing to sit and laugh at running around the room, nothing to come and lick my face in the mornings and want to be with me all the time. For me, I needed a new forever friend to help me and the effects of my anxiety and panic disorder like Darcy did as I started to feel all the negative thoughts and feelings starting to come flooding back. Whether that was because I missed her or whether it was because I was so saddened at losing what made me gain my confidence and strength, I don't know, but I know I needed to do something. That's when I found Nellie.
Nellie is far from normal and is 100% more dog than cat. She is the only cat that I've seen carry toys around in her mouth and rip them to shreds. She parades around the house with underwear in her mouth that she's recovered from the laundry basket and cries when she can't find you in the house. Nellie was bought at 9 months old from a lovely couple who couldn't keep her any longer and needed a new home for her. From the minute I saw her, I fell in love. The first thing her previous owner said to me was "that's strange, she doesn't usually cuddle up to people like she is doing with you" which made me feel like I had to bring her home with me. She needed a new home and I needed a new therapy cat that could help me relieve stresses, calm me down, relax me from the whirlwind of emotions floating around my head, and make me smile and laugh. Now, almost 2 months on, she really does bring me so much happiness. Her personality is so crazy and different to anything I've ever seen, but she is so loving and caring too. The best bit about Nellie is she can recognise when I'm low or anxious and will come and sit on or near me. Sometimes, that's all I need. She sat with me while I revised for my last exam and just having her there to stroke and speak in my stupid high "kitty" voice relieves stress I didn't know could be relieved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that animals and pets that you live with and have a relationship with really can be all you need to calm you down if you start to feel anxious, or make you smile while you feel low. Something as simple as stroking her or her choosing to sit with me while I watch the TV gives me such a positive boost like no human has ever been able to give me. I know for those of you who don't have pets or even those that do but don't understand how cats or dogs can have this effect on people, take my word for it. My mental health has been helped so much by my little furry friend. I would honestly recommended anyone who doesn't have a pet to get one if you need some therapeutic help with your health, whether that be physical or mental.
(Apologies for how crazy-cat-lady this post sounds but I write posts on my blog that help me and inspire others)
Love Luce xo
The title is something that many people may of heard of before, usually in the form of a PAT dog who visits residential homes and hospital to help cheer up and help patients and residents in a therapeutic manner. As someone who has grown up being the daughter of a care home manager and then going on to become a student nurse myself, I have seen pet and animal assisted therapy a lot and seen how much good comes from something that has no idea how happy it is making people. PAT dogs are very common and popular, especially in the UK, and many care establishments have a regular PAT dog that visits individuals who get great pleasure out of having a companion for a while; something to stroke, pet, cuddle with, play with or simply admire. The Pets As Therapy website linked here gives a lot more information on how and why this type of therapy is so amazing, but for this blog post I'm going to be talking about my experience with how any pet can be therapy for someone, whether they know it or not.
Many people do assume that for an animal to have any therapeutic effect on an individual, it has to be trained in doing so. Personally, I think this is rubbish. Yes, PAT dogs and some therapy animals are specially trained to obey commands, sit nicely on people's laps, allow people to stroke them and be used to a lot of human interaction for the main purpose that without the training, the behaviour of the animal is unpredictable. Trainers do not want patients who are meant to be being therapeutically cared for to be bitten, scratched, hissed at or barked at as this leaves a dollop of negativity for all those who encountered it. However, I personally believe that any animal, so long as it has a good and friendly relationship with you, can give just as much, if not more, individualised therapy as a trained puppy can.
In February this year, my Mum and Dad bought me a kitten for my 21st birthday. They told me to choose the one I liked the best and that she would be my kitten that I could build a relationship with and use her to cheer me up whenever I'm scared or low. It was the most amazing present I got, and the thought that had been put into it was incredible. I named her Darcy and she was beautiful. She was crazy but she loved to cuddle and she loved being around me. From the very first day we brought her home, she changed my mood instantly. I've always been a cat person and grown up with a cat all my life, but after a period of 2 years without one, having a 15 week old kitten to play with and cuddle and show me affection really honestly helped my anxiety a lot. She not only helped me, she helped my whole family, who at the time also needed something to lift spirits when they were low and bring smiles to faces.
Heart breakingly, Darcy passed away at 5 months old from a hereditary, incurable infection which was so so sad. The four weeks the family had without her was hard, especially for me, as I saw Darcy as a symbol for the strength, development and growth I endured with my anxiety. There was nothing to go and pick up and cuddle is I was scared or sad, nothing to sit and laugh at running around the room, nothing to come and lick my face in the mornings and want to be with me all the time. For me, I needed a new forever friend to help me and the effects of my anxiety and panic disorder like Darcy did as I started to feel all the negative thoughts and feelings starting to come flooding back. Whether that was because I missed her or whether it was because I was so saddened at losing what made me gain my confidence and strength, I don't know, but I know I needed to do something. That's when I found Nellie.
Nellie is far from normal and is 100% more dog than cat. She is the only cat that I've seen carry toys around in her mouth and rip them to shreds. She parades around the house with underwear in her mouth that she's recovered from the laundry basket and cries when she can't find you in the house. Nellie was bought at 9 months old from a lovely couple who couldn't keep her any longer and needed a new home for her. From the minute I saw her, I fell in love. The first thing her previous owner said to me was "that's strange, she doesn't usually cuddle up to people like she is doing with you" which made me feel like I had to bring her home with me. She needed a new home and I needed a new therapy cat that could help me relieve stresses, calm me down, relax me from the whirlwind of emotions floating around my head, and make me smile and laugh. Now, almost 2 months on, she really does bring me so much happiness. Her personality is so crazy and different to anything I've ever seen, but she is so loving and caring too. The best bit about Nellie is she can recognise when I'm low or anxious and will come and sit on or near me. Sometimes, that's all I need. She sat with me while I revised for my last exam and just having her there to stroke and speak in my stupid high "kitty" voice relieves stress I didn't know could be relieved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that animals and pets that you live with and have a relationship with really can be all you need to calm you down if you start to feel anxious, or make you smile while you feel low. Something as simple as stroking her or her choosing to sit with me while I watch the TV gives me such a positive boost like no human has ever been able to give me. I know for those of you who don't have pets or even those that do but don't understand how cats or dogs can have this effect on people, take my word for it. My mental health has been helped so much by my little furry friend. I would honestly recommended anyone who doesn't have a pet to get one if you need some therapeutic help with your health, whether that be physical or mental.
(Apologies for how crazy-cat-lady this post sounds but I write posts on my blog that help me and inspire others)
Love Luce xo
Saturday, 19 December 2015
Have A Holly Jolly Christmas.
I'm now home for Christmas for two weeks and could not be happier. The last few nights between day shifts on the ward have consisted of squeezing my eyes shut tight to force myself to go to sleep because I've been so excited to come home. Any other 20 year old's get this excited for this time of year?
Christmas is the one time of year that honestly makes me truly happy. For me, Christmas is about family, food, presents and celebrating with people that mean the most to me. I have always got over excited for Christmas. My Mum and Dad told me today that when I was really young, around 6 or 7, I would get so excited for Christmas that I wouldn't concentrate in school, I would by hyperactive 24/7 and get in trouble, I wouldn't sleep, and I even used to make myself physically sick from working myself up to a stupid level of excitement.
I don't know what it is that is so exciting for me, but the whole idea of being surrounded by family, playing games, eating nice food, exchanging gifts, having the fire on and drinking endless amounts of cups of teas makes me so happy. I miss my family while I'm away at university as it is anyway, but coming home for two weeks, especially this year, feels so amazing. Everyone just seems to be in a better mood at Christmas and this settles me a lot when I see people smiling, happy and sometimes even singing.
Not all of my Christmas' have been amazing, in fact last Christmas I spent the afternoon in tears because of family bickering, and a few years ago I lost my Grandad who I was very close to, but this does not stop me being excited and on an incredible high for the festive period. Mum often comments on how stressful Christmas can be for her with the cooking and organising of visitors, gifts, money and food etc, but it is all worth it, surely? Spending quality time with family and friends is just what I need and what a perfectly timed Christmas for me this is. So far, my anxiety levels have been low and I am enjoying my time at home already. I have lots planned with family and friends and although some of them are quite anxiety provoking and will require me to break out of my comfort zone, I am doing my best to think positively to keep my anxieties at bay.
I don't really know why I decided to write this post. Maybe to reinforce my emotions for myself because they are so positive, and I've always wanted this blog to show my good times as well as the tough ones, but for those of you following my blog posts and wondering how I am, here's an update. Maybe my excitement is excitement for happiness rather than Christmas itself? Who knows, but I am happy. Merry Christmas and I hope everybody who reads this has an absolutely amazing time over the next few weeks. Tell your family and friends how much you love them and embrace the festivities.
Love Luce xo
Christmas is the one time of year that honestly makes me truly happy. For me, Christmas is about family, food, presents and celebrating with people that mean the most to me. I have always got over excited for Christmas. My Mum and Dad told me today that when I was really young, around 6 or 7, I would get so excited for Christmas that I wouldn't concentrate in school, I would by hyperactive 24/7 and get in trouble, I wouldn't sleep, and I even used to make myself physically sick from working myself up to a stupid level of excitement.
I don't know what it is that is so exciting for me, but the whole idea of being surrounded by family, playing games, eating nice food, exchanging gifts, having the fire on and drinking endless amounts of cups of teas makes me so happy. I miss my family while I'm away at university as it is anyway, but coming home for two weeks, especially this year, feels so amazing. Everyone just seems to be in a better mood at Christmas and this settles me a lot when I see people smiling, happy and sometimes even singing.
Not all of my Christmas' have been amazing, in fact last Christmas I spent the afternoon in tears because of family bickering, and a few years ago I lost my Grandad who I was very close to, but this does not stop me being excited and on an incredible high for the festive period. Mum often comments on how stressful Christmas can be for her with the cooking and organising of visitors, gifts, money and food etc, but it is all worth it, surely? Spending quality time with family and friends is just what I need and what a perfectly timed Christmas for me this is. So far, my anxiety levels have been low and I am enjoying my time at home already. I have lots planned with family and friends and although some of them are quite anxiety provoking and will require me to break out of my comfort zone, I am doing my best to think positively to keep my anxieties at bay.
I don't really know why I decided to write this post. Maybe to reinforce my emotions for myself because they are so positive, and I've always wanted this blog to show my good times as well as the tough ones, but for those of you following my blog posts and wondering how I am, here's an update. Maybe my excitement is excitement for happiness rather than Christmas itself? Who knows, but I am happy. Merry Christmas and I hope everybody who reads this has an absolutely amazing time over the next few weeks. Tell your family and friends how much you love them and embrace the festivities.
Love Luce xo
Monday, 23 November 2015
A Day in The Life of a Third Year Student Nurse.
This blog post will be slightly different from my usual blog posts but still related in the fact that it's a true account of my general day working on the ward as a third year student nurse. It also allows people to see that even while battling with anxiety and panic disorder, I can still work hard to achieve my goals in life. Every day is different and each ward is different but this account is for my 12.5 hour shift on my current placement on a busy Surgical Assessment Unit. (Apologies in advance for the length but it's really hard to condense this sort of post down!)
6.20am - Alarm goes off. I take my medication and lay in bed and scroll through my social media, check my emails and texts.
6.40am - Get up, start getting ready.
I have a uniform provided by my university consisting of beautiful grey trousers which fasten above my belly button(!!), white tunic and blue epaulets. The epaulets are different shades of blue for each of the 3 years training to help staff and patients distinguish how far along in your training you are. I wear a fob watch given to me by my brother on my 18th birthday, my 'my name is...' badge and my lanyard with my student ID on. In my pockets I keep two black pens, a small notepad and a lip balm. My phone stays in there as well while i'm on shift due to students not having anywhere secure to lock their belongings away like permanent members of staff do.
I have to have no nail polish, no jewelry apart from stud earrings and my hair up and off my shoulders for infection control purposes so my go-to hair style is usually either a high pony tail or a messy bun. I very rarely wear makeup to work as I am a bugger for rubbing my eyes throughout the day and it would end up all over my face if I did apply it, but sometimes a bit of coverage is needed, especially when not much sleep has been gained overnight!
My shoes were not provided by the university but this pair are from Skechers and are my third pair of nursing shoes. I have previously owned these Shoes for Crews trainer style ones which I do occasionally go back to as it is good to change up shoes for when you have a long run of shifts - apparently it's good for your feet! My first pair of nursing shoes were these Skechers shoes, and they served me through 6 and a half placements but sadly they gradually got too worn to wear. Admittedly, I was able to get staff discount from a friend who works as Skechers but I 100% think they're worth the money. My feet are so thankful for Skechers so I would highly recommend them for those of you who do long shifts and are always on your feet.
7.10am - Leave my flat for work. The walk to work takes 10 minutes but I like to arrive early so I don't feel rushed. It also helps for particularly anxious mornings when I can take those few extra minutes before the shift starts to focus on the day, prepare for it and get accustom to my environment.
7.30am - Hand over. This is the time in the morning when the night staff hand over their patients to the day staff. We are given printed sheets of paper with the names of each patient, their age, why they're in hospital, their diagnosis and their plan for recovery. It is particularly important to pay attention throughout handover as this is where vital information about patients are given to you. For example, if a patient is going for an operation, they will be Nil By Mouth in preparation for their anesthetic (they wont be allowed to eat or drink). If you miss this information, you could ruin the plan for that patient and potentially make their situation worse. Hand over is also a chance to say Good Morning to my patients and introduce myself if I don't already know them.
7.45am - Assisting patients with washing and dressing. I know right! It's too early to be getting poorly, sleep deprived patients up and out of bed to change their bed sheets but it has to be done to allow the day to run smoothly. Some patients are independent and will take themselves to the ward shower when they feel ready to, but for those who need assistance in washing and dressing, this is usually done first thing in the morning.
8.30am - Alongside a qualified nurse, I will assist in administering the morning medication to the patients. These are all the tablets that the patient would usually take in the morning if they were at home, plus any medications that the doctor has prescribed for their recovery process while in hospital. They can be all sorts of medication from tablets, injections, liquids, IV medication (or drips) or nebulisers to be breathed in. Some patient who have nasogastric tubes or PEG feeding tubes may also need their medications crushing and administering through their tube. Similarly, some patients may need assistance with physically taking their medication, and I will assist with this. On admission, all patients are also prescribed a bottle of Stelisept body wash and a tube of Bactroban nasal ointment which both help prevent the spread of MRSA in hospitals, so during medication round, I ensure my patients have used both. Before all medications are given to the patient, I have to ask the patient their name and date of birth to ensure I am giving the medication to the right patient and ask if they have any allergies in case something has been prescribed that they are allergic to. I have to ensure the medications are in date, are prescribed by a doctor, are being given at the right time, are the right dose and are being given the correct way (e.g. tablet or injection). The medication round usually takes 30-40 minutes depending on the amount of patients and complexity of their medications.
9.20am - This is usually the time I spend doing any tasks that need doing. In handover, the night nurse will share information given to them by doctors over night to help with the diagnosis and treatment for a patient. Especially on the ward I am on now, there are a lot of patients admitted throughout the night from A&E and so tasks such as urine dips, stool/urine/sputum samples, wound swabs and wound dressings are usually done at this time. I use a tick box system in my notepad to ensure I get all my tasks done. I will also assist patients to the toilet, support anxious, worried patients, patients who are in pain or patients who are vomiting, as hospital can be a very lonely place, especially when you're feeling unwell. Paperwork is also completed throughout the day, including bowel and bladder movements, the changes in position of a patient (even if they're only minor as it helps regulate the risk of the patient developing a pressure ulcer), fluid input and output, and general nursing notes.
10.15am - This is usually when I get my first break. Sometimes it is earlier, sometimes it is later. It all depends on how hectic the morning has been or how hectic the late morning is expected to be. The good thing about a surgical assessment unit is we have a running update of how many patients we are expecting to be admitted so we can prepare for the amount of work we will be faced with. On my break, I usually have a bag of crisps and a piece of fruit and a cup of tea while flicking through my phone or a magazine.
10.45am - This is usually the time for admitting patients. The patients presented in A&E this morning will be coming up to the ward around this time and so if there are enough beds, I will begin admitting the patients. The admission process involves asking the patients a series of questions regarding their Activities of Daily Living or ADLs and how they may have been affected by their illness. These include things like whether they can wash and dress themselves, their mobility, their eating habits etc, and the answers they give us help us care for the patient in the best way possible using a personalised care plan. If the patient states they are usually independent with walking but is a bit wobbly since their accident, I will refer them to a physiotherapist who will be able to review and assist the patient. Other information such as past medical history, allergies, regular medication and main personal details are all noted down too.
Helping patients to the toilet, completing any tasks left to do, or new tasks given will also be carried out throughout the morning. Liaising with other members of staff such as dietitians, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, doctors, specialist nurses etc also takes place throughout the whole day.
The doctors and consultants will also have a 'ward round' whereby the consultant teams for each specialty (Upper GI surgery, ENT, Plastics, Lower GI surgery, Vascular etc) will meet with their patients and the nurse in charge of the ward and discuss the plan with them on what they think would be best. As a student nurse, luckily I get to be a part of the ward round and have the task of jotting down the new plan of action for each patient. The doctor will usually discuss with the patient how they feel, they will inspect the body part in question and will decide on what would be best, whether that be prescribing a medication, referring to other specialisms or surgery. I will then update the handover on the computer with the new plan for each patient ready for the night staffs shift.
12pm - Lunchtime medication round. This is where the patients receive all the medications they are due around lunch time. It is the same process as the morning time medication round but usually there are less medication so does take slightly less time. Antibiotics and other IV medication are usually made up and administered on lunchtime medication rounds too, so I am often found in the treatment room mixing us powdered antibiotics with water for injection too -which is one of my favorite things to do.
12.30pm - Helping patients with needs, advice, help or education on anything. It is also worth mentioning that there are usually a lot of discharges made throughout the day on a busy ward like this and so I do have to discharge patients ready for home too. This involves ensuring they have the relevant medication they need at home, giving advice on how to behave at home (e.g. how long they shouldn't drive for), arranging a sick note from the doctor, and educating them on taking their medication or changing their dressings. Referrals to community teams are also made for discharge to ensure the patient is assisted with any further care needs they may need when returning back home.
3pm - Lunchtime! I usually go down to the hospital shop for a meal deal as my choice of food changes everyday and previously when I would take in ready made pastas or sandwiches, I would end up not enjoying my lunch as I wouldn't fancy eating it. I flick through my phone again and reply to any texts or emails I've had and chat to colleagues.
3.30 onwards - Again, just assisting with patients needs, talking to patients, updating notes, answering call bells, learning new things from doctors and nurses. Sometimes I will be asked to chaperon patients down to X-Ray, to inpatient clinics such as ENT clinic and fracture clinic and sometimes even get to watch operations in theater. It not only relaxes the patient by having someone familiar with them, but it also allows me to learn more about different specialties and follow the patient journey.
5pm - Teatime medication round. Same as the morning and lunchtime medication round. There are 4 medication rounds a day and three of them occur during the day shift. The night time medication round is carried out by the night shift staff.
Answering call bells, assisting patients on their travels around the ward or hospital, updating the nursing notes, ensuring all tasks for the day have been completed and assisting patients with their food and drink. Generally just making sure my patients are as happy and as comfortable as they can be.
7.30pm - Hand over. This is when the day shift staff will hand over the updated plan for each patient to the night shift. Same as the hand over process we received in the morning and usually from the same people we are handing back over to, but with new information on what has been done, what needs to be done and how the patients are.
8pm - I say goodnight to my patients and colleagues and walk home. I usually ring my mum or boyfriend on my walk home as I hate walking in the dark on my own! It also gives me a chance to tell them about my day. Whether it's been calm, happy, stressful, upsetting, difficult, easy, rewarding, boring. It allows me to reflect on it all and release emotions which is a massive part of being healthy and stable within my mental health.
8.10pm - I get home and shower. I make myself some tea and get straight into bed. Usually, I am shattered and my feet ache. I put on Netflix or some catch up TV on my laptop and watch it until I fall asleep ready to do it all over again the next morning!
I hope this was a helpful and interesting insight into my busy day as a student nurse. Every day is different and because of the nature of a surgical assessment unit, we may have 12 patients one day and it be very calm and not rushed at all one day, and the next there are 30 patients with 6 in A&E needing a bed and you have a list of 18 things you need to get done. Cardiac arrests, falls, patients suddenly deteriorating and the like can also shake up the flow of the day too but I am fully trained in being able to deal with crisis like these and have done many time in my training already. Nursing brings out the best in me and when I am on the ward, I find it easy to put others first and for a moment forget my anxiety and panic disorder. As I spoke about in this post, when I am in 'Nurse Mode', my adrenaline is being used for the right thing at the right time, and I love it. Even though sometimes I can finish a shift feeling very emotional or very drained and tired, the majority of the time I finish happy and proud of not only what I have achieved for myself but what my patients have achieved too. Writing this has even allowed me to reflect on how proud I am to be able to handle the amount of things I do each day even when spanners are thrown in the works, which they frequently are. It really is my dream job and helping poorly people is my absolute love in life. I am so excited to qualify in 10 months time and get my blues!
Love Luce xo
6.20am - Alarm goes off. I take my medication and lay in bed and scroll through my social media, check my emails and texts.
6.40am - Get up, start getting ready.
I have a uniform provided by my university consisting of beautiful grey trousers which fasten above my belly button(!!), white tunic and blue epaulets. The epaulets are different shades of blue for each of the 3 years training to help staff and patients distinguish how far along in your training you are. I wear a fob watch given to me by my brother on my 18th birthday, my 'my name is...' badge and my lanyard with my student ID on. In my pockets I keep two black pens, a small notepad and a lip balm. My phone stays in there as well while i'm on shift due to students not having anywhere secure to lock their belongings away like permanent members of staff do.
I have to have no nail polish, no jewelry apart from stud earrings and my hair up and off my shoulders for infection control purposes so my go-to hair style is usually either a high pony tail or a messy bun. I very rarely wear makeup to work as I am a bugger for rubbing my eyes throughout the day and it would end up all over my face if I did apply it, but sometimes a bit of coverage is needed, especially when not much sleep has been gained overnight!
My shoes were not provided by the university but this pair are from Skechers and are my third pair of nursing shoes. I have previously owned these Shoes for Crews trainer style ones which I do occasionally go back to as it is good to change up shoes for when you have a long run of shifts - apparently it's good for your feet! My first pair of nursing shoes were these Skechers shoes, and they served me through 6 and a half placements but sadly they gradually got too worn to wear. Admittedly, I was able to get staff discount from a friend who works as Skechers but I 100% think they're worth the money. My feet are so thankful for Skechers so I would highly recommend them for those of you who do long shifts and are always on your feet.
7.10am - Leave my flat for work. The walk to work takes 10 minutes but I like to arrive early so I don't feel rushed. It also helps for particularly anxious mornings when I can take those few extra minutes before the shift starts to focus on the day, prepare for it and get accustom to my environment.
7.30am - Hand over. This is the time in the morning when the night staff hand over their patients to the day staff. We are given printed sheets of paper with the names of each patient, their age, why they're in hospital, their diagnosis and their plan for recovery. It is particularly important to pay attention throughout handover as this is where vital information about patients are given to you. For example, if a patient is going for an operation, they will be Nil By Mouth in preparation for their anesthetic (they wont be allowed to eat or drink). If you miss this information, you could ruin the plan for that patient and potentially make their situation worse. Hand over is also a chance to say Good Morning to my patients and introduce myself if I don't already know them.
7.45am - Assisting patients with washing and dressing. I know right! It's too early to be getting poorly, sleep deprived patients up and out of bed to change their bed sheets but it has to be done to allow the day to run smoothly. Some patients are independent and will take themselves to the ward shower when they feel ready to, but for those who need assistance in washing and dressing, this is usually done first thing in the morning.
8.30am - Alongside a qualified nurse, I will assist in administering the morning medication to the patients. These are all the tablets that the patient would usually take in the morning if they were at home, plus any medications that the doctor has prescribed for their recovery process while in hospital. They can be all sorts of medication from tablets, injections, liquids, IV medication (or drips) or nebulisers to be breathed in. Some patient who have nasogastric tubes or PEG feeding tubes may also need their medications crushing and administering through their tube. Similarly, some patients may need assistance with physically taking their medication, and I will assist with this. On admission, all patients are also prescribed a bottle of Stelisept body wash and a tube of Bactroban nasal ointment which both help prevent the spread of MRSA in hospitals, so during medication round, I ensure my patients have used both. Before all medications are given to the patient, I have to ask the patient their name and date of birth to ensure I am giving the medication to the right patient and ask if they have any allergies in case something has been prescribed that they are allergic to. I have to ensure the medications are in date, are prescribed by a doctor, are being given at the right time, are the right dose and are being given the correct way (e.g. tablet or injection). The medication round usually takes 30-40 minutes depending on the amount of patients and complexity of their medications.
9.20am - This is usually the time I spend doing any tasks that need doing. In handover, the night nurse will share information given to them by doctors over night to help with the diagnosis and treatment for a patient. Especially on the ward I am on now, there are a lot of patients admitted throughout the night from A&E and so tasks such as urine dips, stool/urine/sputum samples, wound swabs and wound dressings are usually done at this time. I use a tick box system in my notepad to ensure I get all my tasks done. I will also assist patients to the toilet, support anxious, worried patients, patients who are in pain or patients who are vomiting, as hospital can be a very lonely place, especially when you're feeling unwell. Paperwork is also completed throughout the day, including bowel and bladder movements, the changes in position of a patient (even if they're only minor as it helps regulate the risk of the patient developing a pressure ulcer), fluid input and output, and general nursing notes.
10.15am - This is usually when I get my first break. Sometimes it is earlier, sometimes it is later. It all depends on how hectic the morning has been or how hectic the late morning is expected to be. The good thing about a surgical assessment unit is we have a running update of how many patients we are expecting to be admitted so we can prepare for the amount of work we will be faced with. On my break, I usually have a bag of crisps and a piece of fruit and a cup of tea while flicking through my phone or a magazine.
10.45am - This is usually the time for admitting patients. The patients presented in A&E this morning will be coming up to the ward around this time and so if there are enough beds, I will begin admitting the patients. The admission process involves asking the patients a series of questions regarding their Activities of Daily Living or ADLs and how they may have been affected by their illness. These include things like whether they can wash and dress themselves, their mobility, their eating habits etc, and the answers they give us help us care for the patient in the best way possible using a personalised care plan. If the patient states they are usually independent with walking but is a bit wobbly since their accident, I will refer them to a physiotherapist who will be able to review and assist the patient. Other information such as past medical history, allergies, regular medication and main personal details are all noted down too.
Helping patients to the toilet, completing any tasks left to do, or new tasks given will also be carried out throughout the morning. Liaising with other members of staff such as dietitians, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, doctors, specialist nurses etc also takes place throughout the whole day.
The doctors and consultants will also have a 'ward round' whereby the consultant teams for each specialty (Upper GI surgery, ENT, Plastics, Lower GI surgery, Vascular etc) will meet with their patients and the nurse in charge of the ward and discuss the plan with them on what they think would be best. As a student nurse, luckily I get to be a part of the ward round and have the task of jotting down the new plan of action for each patient. The doctor will usually discuss with the patient how they feel, they will inspect the body part in question and will decide on what would be best, whether that be prescribing a medication, referring to other specialisms or surgery. I will then update the handover on the computer with the new plan for each patient ready for the night staffs shift.
12pm - Lunchtime medication round. This is where the patients receive all the medications they are due around lunch time. It is the same process as the morning time medication round but usually there are less medication so does take slightly less time. Antibiotics and other IV medication are usually made up and administered on lunchtime medication rounds too, so I am often found in the treatment room mixing us powdered antibiotics with water for injection too -which is one of my favorite things to do.
12.30pm - Helping patients with needs, advice, help or education on anything. It is also worth mentioning that there are usually a lot of discharges made throughout the day on a busy ward like this and so I do have to discharge patients ready for home too. This involves ensuring they have the relevant medication they need at home, giving advice on how to behave at home (e.g. how long they shouldn't drive for), arranging a sick note from the doctor, and educating them on taking their medication or changing their dressings. Referrals to community teams are also made for discharge to ensure the patient is assisted with any further care needs they may need when returning back home.
3pm - Lunchtime! I usually go down to the hospital shop for a meal deal as my choice of food changes everyday and previously when I would take in ready made pastas or sandwiches, I would end up not enjoying my lunch as I wouldn't fancy eating it. I flick through my phone again and reply to any texts or emails I've had and chat to colleagues.
3.30 onwards - Again, just assisting with patients needs, talking to patients, updating notes, answering call bells, learning new things from doctors and nurses. Sometimes I will be asked to chaperon patients down to X-Ray, to inpatient clinics such as ENT clinic and fracture clinic and sometimes even get to watch operations in theater. It not only relaxes the patient by having someone familiar with them, but it also allows me to learn more about different specialties and follow the patient journey.
5pm - Teatime medication round. Same as the morning and lunchtime medication round. There are 4 medication rounds a day and three of them occur during the day shift. The night time medication round is carried out by the night shift staff.
Answering call bells, assisting patients on their travels around the ward or hospital, updating the nursing notes, ensuring all tasks for the day have been completed and assisting patients with their food and drink. Generally just making sure my patients are as happy and as comfortable as they can be.
7.30pm - Hand over. This is when the day shift staff will hand over the updated plan for each patient to the night shift. Same as the hand over process we received in the morning and usually from the same people we are handing back over to, but with new information on what has been done, what needs to be done and how the patients are.
8pm - I say goodnight to my patients and colleagues and walk home. I usually ring my mum or boyfriend on my walk home as I hate walking in the dark on my own! It also gives me a chance to tell them about my day. Whether it's been calm, happy, stressful, upsetting, difficult, easy, rewarding, boring. It allows me to reflect on it all and release emotions which is a massive part of being healthy and stable within my mental health.
8.10pm - I get home and shower. I make myself some tea and get straight into bed. Usually, I am shattered and my feet ache. I put on Netflix or some catch up TV on my laptop and watch it until I fall asleep ready to do it all over again the next morning!
I hope this was a helpful and interesting insight into my busy day as a student nurse. Every day is different and because of the nature of a surgical assessment unit, we may have 12 patients one day and it be very calm and not rushed at all one day, and the next there are 30 patients with 6 in A&E needing a bed and you have a list of 18 things you need to get done. Cardiac arrests, falls, patients suddenly deteriorating and the like can also shake up the flow of the day too but I am fully trained in being able to deal with crisis like these and have done many time in my training already. Nursing brings out the best in me and when I am on the ward, I find it easy to put others first and for a moment forget my anxiety and panic disorder. As I spoke about in this post, when I am in 'Nurse Mode', my adrenaline is being used for the right thing at the right time, and I love it. Even though sometimes I can finish a shift feeling very emotional or very drained and tired, the majority of the time I finish happy and proud of not only what I have achieved for myself but what my patients have achieved too. Writing this has even allowed me to reflect on how proud I am to be able to handle the amount of things I do each day even when spanners are thrown in the works, which they frequently are. It really is my dream job and helping poorly people is my absolute love in life. I am so excited to qualify in 10 months time and get my blues!
Love Luce xo
Sunday, 22 November 2015
Stages of a Panic Attack | My Personal Experience.
Since suffering with many panic attacks throughout the past year, and regularly being asked 'what does it feel like?', I thought it would be a good idea to talk about the different stages of a panic attack from my personal perspective as the sufferer, and also explain why it happens from a medical/nursing perspective. As I have mentioned before, panic attacks do not affect everyone with anxiety, and is more connected to my panic disorder, but they happen differently for every person. As part of my treatment plan, I had to explain to my doctor what happens to me during a panic attack to ensure it was all 'normal' and, rest assured, all of my symptoms are 'normal'. My panic attacks are either triggered by something that makes me feel vulnerable or threatened, like a certain environment or bad thoughts, or on some occurrences, I have experienced them with no trigger at all, but they do usually occur in the same order of symptoms and for the same amount of time.
Firstly, my heart rate will increase and pump so hard it feels like it is going to fall out of my chest. I can hear it in my ears, I can feel it more than I have ever felt my heart before. Although it is the first sign of my panic attack coming on, it also occurs when I am just feeling anxious or uneasy on a day to day basis so, for me, it isn't the ultimate 'I'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. This happens due to the sudden increase in adrenaline that gets released into the blood stream, which puts your body into 'fight or flight' mode and the heart has to work harder to get oxygen to the muscles to be able to fight or run away.
My breathing will start to increase. I don't always notice this happening as it usually happens at the same time as my heart beating fast and I'm usually too focused on controlling that, but my breathes will become shorter and faster and if I don't manage to calm myself down, I start to hyperventilate. Hyperventilation is the most horrible symptom for me as I struggle really really hard to calm my breathing down. During a panic attack, I will genuinely feel like i'm drowning and that I can't physically get my breath. 'I can't breathe' is usually the only think I say during a panic attack. This happens due to the body thinking it needs more oxygen for fight or flight and so will breathe faster to drag more oxygen in, however, hyperventilation is the body breathing off more carbon dioxide that in can produce using the oxygen it is inhaling. It gives the feeling that there is not enough air in the body when actually, there is too much, and you begin to literally drown in air.
My body will then have a hot flush from my feet up to my head, almost like the feeling when you open to oven door and the hot air hits you, and then I will start to tingle. For me this is my 'i'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. When this happens, I know I either need to help myself right now, or find somewhere to go where I can be safe and calm myself down for the panic attack to take over. It starts in my face and hands and will travel up my arms down my legs and into my toes. The only way I can describe it is like the feeling after pins and needles but a bit less painful and lasts a lot longer. It can turn into more of a numbness in my fingers and toes but will usually remain tingley throughout the whole attack. This happens due to blood rushing away from the skin and to the muscles for fight or flight again, leaving it tingly and cold.
My vision will begin to distort. I can only describe it as being similar to watching static on a TV. My vision doesn't become blurred and the room doesn't spin but its almost like the world is flashing on and off in front of me. This makes me feel dizzy and I feel like I need to close my eyes. This happens due to the increase in my blood pressure and heart rate. It also occurs due to pupil dilation happening for 'fight or flight' which increases light sensitivity, hence the flashing.
My hearing will also be affected. Not completely but suddenly it will sound like I am underwater, or have an earplug in, and everything is muffled. Strangely, it affects one ear, then swaps to the other, then back to the other and will not affect both my ears at the same time. This symptom also makes me feel very dizzy. This hearing distortion happens due to the 'fight or flight response' again and is called 'auditory exclusion' where your body blocks out sounds to help you focus on fighting or running away.
Then I will begin to feel sick. Sometimes it's a mild niggling nausea which wont shift, other times it's a 'get me to a toilet, I'm going to be sick' sort of feeling. Despite this symptom, I have never vomited during a panic attack but will always sit by a toilet when I get to this stage if I can. This is because the blood in the digestive tract flows away from your stomach and to your muscles, again, ready for your body to fight or run away and so digestion slows down which can cause nausea and in some cases vomiting.
I will shake. Hard. To the point where i'm sweating because the shaking has caused me to involuntary warm myself up. It will start in my hands and knees and spread throughout the attack. 9/10 I will need to sit down as I have previously collapsed due to my knees giving way from underneath me during a panic attack. This happens due to the release of adrenaline in the body, hyping the body up to fight or run away.
Finally, I will cry. Crying usually happens when I experience a panic attack. Usually because I am scared and out of control. Even though I have experienced them before, I will still feel like I am dying each and every time I have one, and it is petrifying. Afterwards, I will cry too, out of embarrassment usually and due to not feeling good at all. I have had panic attacks where I don't cry but these will often be the attacks which affect me more afterwards, as I feel more tired and more 'run down' when I haven't cried. Odd, I know.
Even as a student nurse, I still feel all of these things and still feel like my life is about to end for between 10-30 minutes despite knowing the medical side to it all, however they can happen one after the other so can be longer. As you can imagine, after a panic attack, I sleep. My body is weak, my emotions are all over the place and I feel very blank and empty. My muscles ache and my jaw will ache from tensing throughout. It feels like I've sprinted for 30 minutes without a break - out of breath, nauseous, hot, and aching all over.
I hope you have found this post interesting and has given those of you that have had no experience of a panic attack some new information, and has given those of you who have had experience of a panic attack know that you're not alone, and what you feel is completely normal. I will be doing a post on how I calm myself down and bring me out of an attack in the near future and will write one on what to do if someone you're with has a panic attack too, so look out for them.
Love Luce xo
Firstly, my heart rate will increase and pump so hard it feels like it is going to fall out of my chest. I can hear it in my ears, I can feel it more than I have ever felt my heart before. Although it is the first sign of my panic attack coming on, it also occurs when I am just feeling anxious or uneasy on a day to day basis so, for me, it isn't the ultimate 'I'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. This happens due to the sudden increase in adrenaline that gets released into the blood stream, which puts your body into 'fight or flight' mode and the heart has to work harder to get oxygen to the muscles to be able to fight or run away.
My breathing will start to increase. I don't always notice this happening as it usually happens at the same time as my heart beating fast and I'm usually too focused on controlling that, but my breathes will become shorter and faster and if I don't manage to calm myself down, I start to hyperventilate. Hyperventilation is the most horrible symptom for me as I struggle really really hard to calm my breathing down. During a panic attack, I will genuinely feel like i'm drowning and that I can't physically get my breath. 'I can't breathe' is usually the only think I say during a panic attack. This happens due to the body thinking it needs more oxygen for fight or flight and so will breathe faster to drag more oxygen in, however, hyperventilation is the body breathing off more carbon dioxide that in can produce using the oxygen it is inhaling. It gives the feeling that there is not enough air in the body when actually, there is too much, and you begin to literally drown in air.
My body will then have a hot flush from my feet up to my head, almost like the feeling when you open to oven door and the hot air hits you, and then I will start to tingle. For me this is my 'i'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. When this happens, I know I either need to help myself right now, or find somewhere to go where I can be safe and calm myself down for the panic attack to take over. It starts in my face and hands and will travel up my arms down my legs and into my toes. The only way I can describe it is like the feeling after pins and needles but a bit less painful and lasts a lot longer. It can turn into more of a numbness in my fingers and toes but will usually remain tingley throughout the whole attack. This happens due to blood rushing away from the skin and to the muscles for fight or flight again, leaving it tingly and cold.
My vision will begin to distort. I can only describe it as being similar to watching static on a TV. My vision doesn't become blurred and the room doesn't spin but its almost like the world is flashing on and off in front of me. This makes me feel dizzy and I feel like I need to close my eyes. This happens due to the increase in my blood pressure and heart rate. It also occurs due to pupil dilation happening for 'fight or flight' which increases light sensitivity, hence the flashing.
My hearing will also be affected. Not completely but suddenly it will sound like I am underwater, or have an earplug in, and everything is muffled. Strangely, it affects one ear, then swaps to the other, then back to the other and will not affect both my ears at the same time. This symptom also makes me feel very dizzy. This hearing distortion happens due to the 'fight or flight response' again and is called 'auditory exclusion' where your body blocks out sounds to help you focus on fighting or running away.
Then I will begin to feel sick. Sometimes it's a mild niggling nausea which wont shift, other times it's a 'get me to a toilet, I'm going to be sick' sort of feeling. Despite this symptom, I have never vomited during a panic attack but will always sit by a toilet when I get to this stage if I can. This is because the blood in the digestive tract flows away from your stomach and to your muscles, again, ready for your body to fight or run away and so digestion slows down which can cause nausea and in some cases vomiting.
I will shake. Hard. To the point where i'm sweating because the shaking has caused me to involuntary warm myself up. It will start in my hands and knees and spread throughout the attack. 9/10 I will need to sit down as I have previously collapsed due to my knees giving way from underneath me during a panic attack. This happens due to the release of adrenaline in the body, hyping the body up to fight or run away.
Finally, I will cry. Crying usually happens when I experience a panic attack. Usually because I am scared and out of control. Even though I have experienced them before, I will still feel like I am dying each and every time I have one, and it is petrifying. Afterwards, I will cry too, out of embarrassment usually and due to not feeling good at all. I have had panic attacks where I don't cry but these will often be the attacks which affect me more afterwards, as I feel more tired and more 'run down' when I haven't cried. Odd, I know.
Even as a student nurse, I still feel all of these things and still feel like my life is about to end for between 10-30 minutes despite knowing the medical side to it all, however they can happen one after the other so can be longer. As you can imagine, after a panic attack, I sleep. My body is weak, my emotions are all over the place and I feel very blank and empty. My muscles ache and my jaw will ache from tensing throughout. It feels like I've sprinted for 30 minutes without a break - out of breath, nauseous, hot, and aching all over.
I hope you have found this post interesting and has given those of you that have had no experience of a panic attack some new information, and has given those of you who have had experience of a panic attack know that you're not alone, and what you feel is completely normal. I will be doing a post on how I calm myself down and bring me out of an attack in the near future and will write one on what to do if someone you're with has a panic attack too, so look out for them.
Love Luce xo
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
Thank God for 'Nurse Mode' | Dealing with Adrenaline Surges.
Adrenaline
noun
"Adrenaline is a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands and released into the bloodstream to serve as a chemical mediator. Adrenaline has many different actions depending on the type of cells it is acting upon, however the overall effect of adrenaline is to prepare the body for the 'fight or flight' response in times of stress. It increases heart rate, increases blood pressure, expanding the air passages of the lungs, enlarging pupils, redistributing blood to muscles and altering the body's metabolism"
Commonly experienced in those who suffer from anxiety, surges of adrenaline are released for no reason at all and can develop into strong anxiety or a panic attack. This weekend, I felt adrenaline being released at the right time for the right reason, for the first time in months.
I often get surges of adrenaline while i'm on my nursing placement due to the nature of the job. Having to be on the ball at all times, not only to structure my tasks and efficiently working throughout the day at fast pace, but to be ready to react to an emergency situation. I have experienced having to stop what i'm doing and jump into 'life saving mode' many times, with patients who have choked on their sandwich, elderly patients who have fallen and even a patient who went into cardiac arrest, so it is not uncommon for my adrenaline to fill me with the energy and strength I need.
After having to end my last clinical placement of 2nd year early due to my sickness, I experienced these surges of adrenaline more and more while sat watching TV, while on my phone or laptop, while talking with friends, for no reason, and although I had experienced what I like to call 'unneeded adrenaline' before, this was a lot stronger and a lot more difficult to control and calm down. These surges brought on panic attacks and strong anxiety that became noticeably difficult for me to shake off like I was used to being able to do. So since my last placement, around 10 weeks ago, I had not felt 'needed adrenaline', until this weekend.
My best friend text me Sunday morning telling me that following 2 head collisions during his game of rugby the Wednesday before (which worried me anyway!), that his nose had started bleeding, that his headaches had got no better, his hearing was muffled on one side and he had bruising behind one of his ears. The nurse in me, using the knowledge I've learnt from lectures and patients I've cared for myself, diagnosed this as a severe head injury - worse than the concussion he self-diagnosed himself with. Of course, I explained this to him and told him to go to his local walk in centre immediately. The walk in centre checked him over and told him he needed to go to A&E as the nosebleed shouldn't have happened under the circumstances and there could be some cranial damage. When he texted me all this, my adrenaline hit the roof. Baring in mind, my anxiety levels have been good for around a week now, it was a shock to the system. While walking down to A&E to meet him so he wasn't alone, such bad, irrational thoughts were crossing my mind. What if he collapses on his way here? What if he's left it too long to be able to help him get better? Should I have made him go to A&E earlier than today? When he got there, alive, I immediately felt better because he was orientated, alert, still able to make jokes and be on Tinder. He checked in and we were told to sit in the Minors waiting area. Surprisingly, over hearing the busy rush of A&E and the hospital in general calmed me and I felt like I was in familiar surroundings. It reassured me that the adrenaline rushing around inside of me was normal and okay and that settled me alot. An hour passed and he was called in by the doctor who told him he needed a CT scan on his head and neck to check for fractures and internal damage to the brain, and this news sent another surge of adrenaline around my body. Of course, I wasn't going to let him know this, but I was scared, probably more than he was, but like my Mum always tells me "Lucy, you know too much when it comes to health". I could feel myself buzzing and my feet were going tingly like they sometimes do when I'm about to have a panic attack. I unconsciously started tapping my feet to get rid of the horrible sensation and remind myself that he was in the best possible place but still I was thinking irrational thoughts. There's going to be something wrong with him. What if he collapses in the waiting area? Will I know what to do? I was scared, at this point that my anxiety I was feeling wouldn't calm down, but it was quite clear that he was in a lot of pain with another headache and although not showing it, must have been worried so my brain rationally clicked into nurse mode and I was fine again. No tingles, no irrational thoughts. I felt these surges throughout the night, sat outside the CT room, waiting for his scan to be finished, waiting for the results of it and finally when the nurse told him what was wrong. "You've fractured your mastoid bone". Now I knew what this was before he did - he'd fractured his skull, just behind his ear. It was big shock as it is very uncommon to break this part of the skull, and again I the adrenaline crept up on me, so much so I ended up almost dancing on the spot to try and shake it off and blamed it on feeling loopy and it being 2am. I was expecting slight bruising to the brain or something like that but not a skull fracture. This was causing the headaches, the bruising, the nosebleeds and the muffled hearing as it was pressing on his ear canal. While she was explaining it all to him, again, I clicked into nurse mode and felt absolutely fine again, like I was there as a nurse supporting a patient. Thankfully there was no cranial damage.
This time last month, I was so worried about what I'd be like having to walk back onto a ward of patients, many very ill, and have to deal with adrenaline surges again. Would I have to try really hard to direct it where it needs to go? What if I don't get them when I need them? What if I get them when I don't need them and I can't shake it off? After this weekend, I know that I can go back to what I love doing. I can use the adrenaline thrust upon me for a reason and use nurse mode to shake it off. Nurses need it, and I do sometimes wonder if maybe it doesn't help my anxiety that I am so prone to having moments where I need adrenaline fast. It's also taught me that I can handle my anxiety, and I can put others first, put a brave face on and come out with a genuine smile. I am so proud of myself for what I achieved Sunday night and it's shown how much I have developed with my anxiety and panic disorder. I was telling another friend about it all today and she said "8 weeks ago, there is no way you could have handled hearing that sort of news from him, let alone willingly support him through it all, especially with that sort of outcome" and it's true. I wouldn't have been able to, but now I know I can. I know that hospitals and helping those in need is were I belong and is where I feel most comfortable. It's where I can be me.
Love Luce xo
noun
"Adrenaline is a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands and released into the bloodstream to serve as a chemical mediator. Adrenaline has many different actions depending on the type of cells it is acting upon, however the overall effect of adrenaline is to prepare the body for the 'fight or flight' response in times of stress. It increases heart rate, increases blood pressure, expanding the air passages of the lungs, enlarging pupils, redistributing blood to muscles and altering the body's metabolism"
Commonly experienced in those who suffer from anxiety, surges of adrenaline are released for no reason at all and can develop into strong anxiety or a panic attack. This weekend, I felt adrenaline being released at the right time for the right reason, for the first time in months.
I often get surges of adrenaline while i'm on my nursing placement due to the nature of the job. Having to be on the ball at all times, not only to structure my tasks and efficiently working throughout the day at fast pace, but to be ready to react to an emergency situation. I have experienced having to stop what i'm doing and jump into 'life saving mode' many times, with patients who have choked on their sandwich, elderly patients who have fallen and even a patient who went into cardiac arrest, so it is not uncommon for my adrenaline to fill me with the energy and strength I need.
After having to end my last clinical placement of 2nd year early due to my sickness, I experienced these surges of adrenaline more and more while sat watching TV, while on my phone or laptop, while talking with friends, for no reason, and although I had experienced what I like to call 'unneeded adrenaline' before, this was a lot stronger and a lot more difficult to control and calm down. These surges brought on panic attacks and strong anxiety that became noticeably difficult for me to shake off like I was used to being able to do. So since my last placement, around 10 weeks ago, I had not felt 'needed adrenaline', until this weekend.
My best friend text me Sunday morning telling me that following 2 head collisions during his game of rugby the Wednesday before (which worried me anyway!), that his nose had started bleeding, that his headaches had got no better, his hearing was muffled on one side and he had bruising behind one of his ears. The nurse in me, using the knowledge I've learnt from lectures and patients I've cared for myself, diagnosed this as a severe head injury - worse than the concussion he self-diagnosed himself with. Of course, I explained this to him and told him to go to his local walk in centre immediately. The walk in centre checked him over and told him he needed to go to A&E as the nosebleed shouldn't have happened under the circumstances and there could be some cranial damage. When he texted me all this, my adrenaline hit the roof. Baring in mind, my anxiety levels have been good for around a week now, it was a shock to the system. While walking down to A&E to meet him so he wasn't alone, such bad, irrational thoughts were crossing my mind. What if he collapses on his way here? What if he's left it too long to be able to help him get better? Should I have made him go to A&E earlier than today? When he got there, alive, I immediately felt better because he was orientated, alert, still able to make jokes and be on Tinder. He checked in and we were told to sit in the Minors waiting area. Surprisingly, over hearing the busy rush of A&E and the hospital in general calmed me and I felt like I was in familiar surroundings. It reassured me that the adrenaline rushing around inside of me was normal and okay and that settled me alot. An hour passed and he was called in by the doctor who told him he needed a CT scan on his head and neck to check for fractures and internal damage to the brain, and this news sent another surge of adrenaline around my body. Of course, I wasn't going to let him know this, but I was scared, probably more than he was, but like my Mum always tells me "Lucy, you know too much when it comes to health". I could feel myself buzzing and my feet were going tingly like they sometimes do when I'm about to have a panic attack. I unconsciously started tapping my feet to get rid of the horrible sensation and remind myself that he was in the best possible place but still I was thinking irrational thoughts. There's going to be something wrong with him. What if he collapses in the waiting area? Will I know what to do? I was scared, at this point that my anxiety I was feeling wouldn't calm down, but it was quite clear that he was in a lot of pain with another headache and although not showing it, must have been worried so my brain rationally clicked into nurse mode and I was fine again. No tingles, no irrational thoughts. I felt these surges throughout the night, sat outside the CT room, waiting for his scan to be finished, waiting for the results of it and finally when the nurse told him what was wrong. "You've fractured your mastoid bone". Now I knew what this was before he did - he'd fractured his skull, just behind his ear. It was big shock as it is very uncommon to break this part of the skull, and again I the adrenaline crept up on me, so much so I ended up almost dancing on the spot to try and shake it off and blamed it on feeling loopy and it being 2am. I was expecting slight bruising to the brain or something like that but not a skull fracture. This was causing the headaches, the bruising, the nosebleeds and the muffled hearing as it was pressing on his ear canal. While she was explaining it all to him, again, I clicked into nurse mode and felt absolutely fine again, like I was there as a nurse supporting a patient. Thankfully there was no cranial damage.
This time last month, I was so worried about what I'd be like having to walk back onto a ward of patients, many very ill, and have to deal with adrenaline surges again. Would I have to try really hard to direct it where it needs to go? What if I don't get them when I need them? What if I get them when I don't need them and I can't shake it off? After this weekend, I know that I can go back to what I love doing. I can use the adrenaline thrust upon me for a reason and use nurse mode to shake it off. Nurses need it, and I do sometimes wonder if maybe it doesn't help my anxiety that I am so prone to having moments where I need adrenaline fast. It's also taught me that I can handle my anxiety, and I can put others first, put a brave face on and come out with a genuine smile. I am so proud of myself for what I achieved Sunday night and it's shown how much I have developed with my anxiety and panic disorder. I was telling another friend about it all today and she said "8 weeks ago, there is no way you could have handled hearing that sort of news from him, let alone willingly support him through it all, especially with that sort of outcome" and it's true. I wouldn't have been able to, but now I know I can. I know that hospitals and helping those in need is were I belong and is where I feel most comfortable. It's where I can be me.
Love Luce xo
Saturday, 24 October 2015
What is Anxiety & Panic Disorder?
By dictionary definition, anxiety is 'a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome'. Everyone will feel this emotion at some point in their life, some more frequently than others, some hardly ever. However, some of us feel it at the most random, inconvenient times when there is absolutely no reason to feel nervous, worried or scared, like me.
Panic Disorder is defined as 'recurring or regular panic attacks for unexplained reasons' and panic attacks are defined as 'an exaggeration of your body's normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid buildup of overwhelming physical sensation such as fast heart beat, feeling faint, sweating, nausea, chest pains, inability to catch your breath, numbness and shakey limbs stimulated by the bodies natural fight-or-flight response'
Some of my triggers for my anxiety and panic attacks are what some people would consider as 'normal' such as my health, exams/assignments/deadlines in general, the unknown, trains/public transport and other people being stressed or worried. However, some of my triggers for my anxiety aren't so normal, especially for a 20 year old, for example, being in or even near a train station even if i'm not getting on a train, thinking my friends don't want anything to do with me anymore, going on a night out with people that aren't my boyfriend or my best friend or going shopping with someone and them walking off to look at something else.
That last one is a big one for me as it's how my parents know I've always had some form of anxiety. Embarrassingly, until the age of 16, if I went anywhere with anyone, I would not leave their side. At around 11/12, I got into the habit of holding onto the person I was with top or coat so I knew they wouldn't 'run off'. In my head, if they leave me, they won't come back for me. This is an example of the irrational side that anxiety has caused me to be. The rational side of me would say 'but that's silly. Of course they'll come back for you. You're in Tescos and they've gone to buy find the toilet cleaner while you were looking at the selection of blue cheeses. They will come back'. This is one of the biggest problems with understanding someone with anxiety and/or panic disorder as the rational mind of someone who doesn't suffer with it cannot comprehend the irrational mind of someone who does suffer, and that's okay. It is a hard concept to understand.
Onto the biology of it now! Anxiety is not 'being scared for no reason' or 'worrying over nothing'. Statements like that upset people who have the condition as its not as simple as 'being worried/scared over nothing'. Anxiety and panic disorder is the body stimulating a fight or flight response which psychologists have studied and have linked it back to caveman times. When something that is scary or threatening faces you, your body either works itself up and releases the chemical adrenaline to fight it or to run away from it. Both of these choices need energy, extra blood flow to muscles and organs, extra oxygen, enlarged pupils etc to help solve the problem. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase, your breathes increase, your pupils widen and your muscles get read to fight or run. As you can imagine, this is fantastic for when you're house is on fire and you need to get out quick or another event similar to this where you really do need to fight something or get away from it. However, for people like me, this response is triggered by the most random things and as I said, at sometimes very inconvenient times. I explain it to my friends and family as you know when you walk down the stairs and you miss the bottom step and your heart skips a beat, that's a miniature dose of the anxiety that I feel, for sometimes no reason at all.
I can honestly tell you that it is draining. Most of the time my mind constantly works on overtime, worrying about what if's, thinking about things that have either happened and I can't change or things that haven't happened yet, and due to my lovely body kicking into fight or flight response, I then have all of this adrenaline with no where to go. If I can't settle myself down or have someone help me calm down - panic attack.
Some of my symptoms of increased anxiety or my anxiety developing into a panic attack are a numb face and fingers, a quick hot flush from my feet up to my head, being able to hear nothing but my own, fast, heartbeat and blotchy static vision. I talk about my largest and most frightening panic attack in this post if you want to read more.
So that's a brief insight into what anxiety and panic disorder is for me but I must note that it really is different for everyone. Everyone has different triggers, feel different symptoms and handle it differently. It is not an uncommon problem and many people suffer from mental health conditions such as anxiety and panic disorder without telling anybody. I hope I have helped you understand it all a bit more by opening up or made you feel like you are not alone if you go through similar feelings too. Feel free to message me or leave a comment.
Love Luce xo
Panic Disorder is defined as 'recurring or regular panic attacks for unexplained reasons' and panic attacks are defined as 'an exaggeration of your body's normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid buildup of overwhelming physical sensation such as fast heart beat, feeling faint, sweating, nausea, chest pains, inability to catch your breath, numbness and shakey limbs stimulated by the bodies natural fight-or-flight response'
Some of my triggers for my anxiety and panic attacks are what some people would consider as 'normal' such as my health, exams/assignments/deadlines in general, the unknown, trains/public transport and other people being stressed or worried. However, some of my triggers for my anxiety aren't so normal, especially for a 20 year old, for example, being in or even near a train station even if i'm not getting on a train, thinking my friends don't want anything to do with me anymore, going on a night out with people that aren't my boyfriend or my best friend or going shopping with someone and them walking off to look at something else.
That last one is a big one for me as it's how my parents know I've always had some form of anxiety. Embarrassingly, until the age of 16, if I went anywhere with anyone, I would not leave their side. At around 11/12, I got into the habit of holding onto the person I was with top or coat so I knew they wouldn't 'run off'. In my head, if they leave me, they won't come back for me. This is an example of the irrational side that anxiety has caused me to be. The rational side of me would say 'but that's silly. Of course they'll come back for you. You're in Tescos and they've gone to buy find the toilet cleaner while you were looking at the selection of blue cheeses. They will come back'. This is one of the biggest problems with understanding someone with anxiety and/or panic disorder as the rational mind of someone who doesn't suffer with it cannot comprehend the irrational mind of someone who does suffer, and that's okay. It is a hard concept to understand.
Onto the biology of it now! Anxiety is not 'being scared for no reason' or 'worrying over nothing'. Statements like that upset people who have the condition as its not as simple as 'being worried/scared over nothing'. Anxiety and panic disorder is the body stimulating a fight or flight response which psychologists have studied and have linked it back to caveman times. When something that is scary or threatening faces you, your body either works itself up and releases the chemical adrenaline to fight it or to run away from it. Both of these choices need energy, extra blood flow to muscles and organs, extra oxygen, enlarged pupils etc to help solve the problem. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase, your breathes increase, your pupils widen and your muscles get read to fight or run. As you can imagine, this is fantastic for when you're house is on fire and you need to get out quick or another event similar to this where you really do need to fight something or get away from it. However, for people like me, this response is triggered by the most random things and as I said, at sometimes very inconvenient times. I explain it to my friends and family as you know when you walk down the stairs and you miss the bottom step and your heart skips a beat, that's a miniature dose of the anxiety that I feel, for sometimes no reason at all.
I can honestly tell you that it is draining. Most of the time my mind constantly works on overtime, worrying about what if's, thinking about things that have either happened and I can't change or things that haven't happened yet, and due to my lovely body kicking into fight or flight response, I then have all of this adrenaline with no where to go. If I can't settle myself down or have someone help me calm down - panic attack.
Some of my symptoms of increased anxiety or my anxiety developing into a panic attack are a numb face and fingers, a quick hot flush from my feet up to my head, being able to hear nothing but my own, fast, heartbeat and blotchy static vision. I talk about my largest and most frightening panic attack in this post if you want to read more.
So that's a brief insight into what anxiety and panic disorder is for me but I must note that it really is different for everyone. Everyone has different triggers, feel different symptoms and handle it differently. It is not an uncommon problem and many people suffer from mental health conditions such as anxiety and panic disorder without telling anybody. I hope I have helped you understand it all a bit more by opening up or made you feel like you are not alone if you go through similar feelings too. Feel free to message me or leave a comment.
Love Luce xo
Advice for Student Nurses
So as a third year student nurse who will be hopefully qualifying in approximately 11 months (eeeee!) I thought it would be a good idea to hand down my advice from my 2 full years of studying for a nursing degree to those in the first year or those who are thinking about choosing to study a degree in nursing. I write this post as if I was telling my first year self this advice as I would have loved to read or for someone to tell me something like this.
1. Be confident. I suffer with anxiety and I found it took me a while to adjust to walking onto a ward and suddenly, people the age of my Mum and Grandma were asking me for help. Me! You are training to help others, whether you're a childrens nurse, adult nurse, mental health nurse or learning disability nurse, people will need you and you have to be confident in yourself that you can do that. This is your degree, no one elses and you really do get out what you put in. You wont always get everything right, especially to start with, but don't panic. You are there to learn, and learning new skills brings confidence. You will get the hang of it no matter how much you tell yourself you wont. Which brings me onto my next piece of advice...
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not going to be expected to know everything as a first year student nurse. As you develop and grow, nurses expectations will begin to grow too and by that I mean by your 10th week of placement, your mentor will probably expect you to not still be following her around asking "what shall I do now?". You are given placements to learn and develop the skills you will need when you qualify and you are given mentors to help teach you these, so asking for help is never a bad thing. In a job like nursing, if you guess things you are not sure on, it could be detrimental to the health of your patient. Don't quite know which dressing to redress Bay 2 Bed 4's diabetic foot ulcer with? Ask. Don't know why Side Room 3's urine output is being measured every hour? Ask. The more you ask, the more you learn. My advice is for typical nursing knowledge such as dressings, size of catheters or length of NG tubes, ask your mentor how you know which one would be best and make a note of it in a notebook. Then you can always look back on 'How to measure an NG tube' for example.
3. Grab all opportunities. On placement, you will have so many opportunities to experience other members of staffs roles, such as physios, dietitians, OT's etc and this helps you as a student nurse develop your knowledge of the multi-disciplinary team. You may also get opportunities to work in other departments such as theaters under your specialty and I would highly recommend you take these experiences with open arms. It not only gives you experience of the patient journey but you also get to see things normal people never get to see - inside an operating theater! Even if a nurse is doing a basic skill such as changing a dressing or maybe a more advanced skills such as inserting an NG tube, ask if you can watch. In my experience, most nurses let you get hands on after 1 or two observations which is always a confidence booster!
4. Keep on top of your work. You will get periods of time where you are on placement working long hours and you also have an assignment or project to complete too. It can become daunting to think that when you get home after a 12 hour shift, you have to sit and write some more assignment. My advice for this would be to structure your time. If it's possible, try and get some of your theory work done before your practical starts, this way you wont have as much to do while you're tired, emotional and worn out from placement. If you have to complete theory work during a placement block, do this on your days off or if you work half days, do it on the other half of your day. This way, you're not exhausting yourself. If you try and do too much at once, your brain will fry and your work wont be the best you could have done, but if you leave it too long, you'll end up rushing it and your work will again be affected. Structure your time properly. Give yourself mini deadlines.For example, do 200 words by the end of the week. Doesn't seem as daunting like that, does it?
5. They're there to help. Lecturers, tutors, programme leaders, mentors and support staff are all employed to help you. It is their job, so you should never be scared to go to them for advice and support, especially if you are struggling in either theory or practice. They will be able to help. The best bit about being a student nurse in university is that all of your academic staff within the nursing department are nurses - they have been in your shoes! They're also usually caring, understanding and empathetic people. I would advise you to meet up with your personal tutor at least once a semester to update him/her with how you're getting on, and this gives you an opportunity to ask any questions or ask for help or support on anything. In my experience, if they can't help directly, they will always signpost you to someone who can.
That's my 5 main pieces of advice for new student nurses from the experience that i've had. It's okay to need help, it's okay to be in touch with your emotions, it's okay to have down days and feel stressed out but always remember that you are studying to be somebody who will change so many peoples lives. Even as a student nurse, you will find this. It will be so worth it in the end. Drop me a comment or email me if you have any further questions regarding this topic - i'm always happy to help.
Love Luce xo
1. Be confident. I suffer with anxiety and I found it took me a while to adjust to walking onto a ward and suddenly, people the age of my Mum and Grandma were asking me for help. Me! You are training to help others, whether you're a childrens nurse, adult nurse, mental health nurse or learning disability nurse, people will need you and you have to be confident in yourself that you can do that. This is your degree, no one elses and you really do get out what you put in. You wont always get everything right, especially to start with, but don't panic. You are there to learn, and learning new skills brings confidence. You will get the hang of it no matter how much you tell yourself you wont. Which brings me onto my next piece of advice...
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not going to be expected to know everything as a first year student nurse. As you develop and grow, nurses expectations will begin to grow too and by that I mean by your 10th week of placement, your mentor will probably expect you to not still be following her around asking "what shall I do now?". You are given placements to learn and develop the skills you will need when you qualify and you are given mentors to help teach you these, so asking for help is never a bad thing. In a job like nursing, if you guess things you are not sure on, it could be detrimental to the health of your patient. Don't quite know which dressing to redress Bay 2 Bed 4's diabetic foot ulcer with? Ask. Don't know why Side Room 3's urine output is being measured every hour? Ask. The more you ask, the more you learn. My advice is for typical nursing knowledge such as dressings, size of catheters or length of NG tubes, ask your mentor how you know which one would be best and make a note of it in a notebook. Then you can always look back on 'How to measure an NG tube' for example.
3. Grab all opportunities. On placement, you will have so many opportunities to experience other members of staffs roles, such as physios, dietitians, OT's etc and this helps you as a student nurse develop your knowledge of the multi-disciplinary team. You may also get opportunities to work in other departments such as theaters under your specialty and I would highly recommend you take these experiences with open arms. It not only gives you experience of the patient journey but you also get to see things normal people never get to see - inside an operating theater! Even if a nurse is doing a basic skill such as changing a dressing or maybe a more advanced skills such as inserting an NG tube, ask if you can watch. In my experience, most nurses let you get hands on after 1 or two observations which is always a confidence booster!
4. Keep on top of your work. You will get periods of time where you are on placement working long hours and you also have an assignment or project to complete too. It can become daunting to think that when you get home after a 12 hour shift, you have to sit and write some more assignment. My advice for this would be to structure your time. If it's possible, try and get some of your theory work done before your practical starts, this way you wont have as much to do while you're tired, emotional and worn out from placement. If you have to complete theory work during a placement block, do this on your days off or if you work half days, do it on the other half of your day. This way, you're not exhausting yourself. If you try and do too much at once, your brain will fry and your work wont be the best you could have done, but if you leave it too long, you'll end up rushing it and your work will again be affected. Structure your time properly. Give yourself mini deadlines.For example, do 200 words by the end of the week. Doesn't seem as daunting like that, does it?
5. They're there to help. Lecturers, tutors, programme leaders, mentors and support staff are all employed to help you. It is their job, so you should never be scared to go to them for advice and support, especially if you are struggling in either theory or practice. They will be able to help. The best bit about being a student nurse in university is that all of your academic staff within the nursing department are nurses - they have been in your shoes! They're also usually caring, understanding and empathetic people. I would advise you to meet up with your personal tutor at least once a semester to update him/her with how you're getting on, and this gives you an opportunity to ask any questions or ask for help or support on anything. In my experience, if they can't help directly, they will always signpost you to someone who can.
That's my 5 main pieces of advice for new student nurses from the experience that i've had. It's okay to need help, it's okay to be in touch with your emotions, it's okay to have down days and feel stressed out but always remember that you are studying to be somebody who will change so many peoples lives. Even as a student nurse, you will find this. It will be so worth it in the end. Drop me a comment or email me if you have any further questions regarding this topic - i'm always happy to help.
Love Luce xo
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