Hello again everyone. This is a second post in the Anxiety Insight series. Chloe* is a 20 year old university student who suffers with overlapping and integrating mental illnesses which is very common for a lot of people. Here is Chloe's story...
"I thought that my anxiety started when my bulimia surfaced, but after having some counselling and learning about anxiety I realised I'd probably had it since I was 5/6. I had a bit of a turbulent home life so I thought it was normal to feel incredibly nervous and self-concious all the time. As my eating disorder and depression got worse, so did the anxiety and that's when it became a real problem because I was stuck in a toxic cycle.
Eating disorders often trigger anxiety and depression - and the three are very closely interlinked. I began to have panic attacks frequently and isolated myself. I get very shaky, short of breath, fidgety, and just in general, extremely overwhelmed. If I had a problem related to my food issues I would get incredibly anxious, but then at the same time revert to the habits of my eating disorder if I felt overwhelmed. I stopped going to college, stopped seeing friends until it became too much to handle on my own.
When it comes to dealing with my illness, I did seek help from my GP when it got really bad. After the third visit, my doctor referred me for therapy and my therapist was amazing. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helped me deal with my illnesses and made me feel like there was hope. I also love writing, so whenever I'm anxious I try to write everything down on a piece of paper. It doesn't matter to me if it doesn't make sense, just getting everything out of my head helps me so much. My mental illnesses still affect me daily even though I consider myself to be well into recovery. I still isolate myself quite a lot when I'm anxious or low, and have the odd panic attack now and again. I get really anxious talking to new / certain types of people. Going out can be really difficult because I am so self critical and a perfectionist all the time and I am terrified of what anyone might say / think about me - my looks, behaviours, anything. It's hard to describe how consuming living with mental illness is because it does affect a huge amount of your life, but explaining it is quite hard, as those of you who suffer from a similar illness will know. I feel like I should be much stronger than I am. More 'normal' and like everyone else. But on positive days I do sit back and reflect and think "well done, you've come a long way". I'm so much better than I used to be and reminding myself of this helps a lot.
If you're reading this and you suffer with any kind of mental illness, the best thing to do is talk to someone. It's the one thing you never want to do, but make sure you reach out to the most trustworthy people in your life. Yes, I've been burned before by opening up to an exboyfriend and he started to use them against me, but my best friends have been so amazing and supportive. My advice would be to be prepared to possibly educate them a little bit on what you're suffering with as they might not actually understand it as well as they think they do. This way they can support you a lot more and understand why you are the way that you are. Also, go to your GP and ask for help is a great thing to do, as talking to a professional can do amazing things for your mental health. Because they are professionals and are there to help any illness, whether that be of mind or of body, they can help you find a way out as well as speaking to someone who won't judge you.
Finally, for anyone reading this who suffers with a mental illness, you are doing so well just by tackling a mental illness in the first place so don't be hard on yourself. "
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Tuesday, 21 June 2016
Wednesday, 25 November 2015
10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Anxiety and Panic Disorder
Within the breaks of my dreaded dissertation work, I decided to do some research on unknown or surprising statistics and facts about my conditions. So here they are...
1. People between the ages of 35 and 59 are more likely to suffer from anxiety than any other age group in the UK.
2. 4 in every 10 people that suffers with anxiety claim that work or education triggered their condition.
3. Anxiety can affect balance. Studies have found that those who have problems with balance or find themselves swaying or having 'dizzy spells' usually correlate positively to suffering with anxiety. It has also been found that treating the balance problem helps the individuals anxiety!
4. Unless there is an underlying heart problem, it is very very unlikely that a panic attack will lead to a heart attack. Even though the symptoms are very similar and those of you who have suffered from any form of panic attack will know you do feel like you are dying, the responses are purely caused by hormones being released into your blood stream, not a dysfunction in your heart.
5. Anxiety is considered a genetic condition and can be passed down to children or grandchildren, however you can develop it without your relatives having suffered from it and you don't necessarily inherit it if your parents suffered with it.
6. Your body suffers physiologically as well as psychologically from having anxiety. Aside from a panic attack where your body is literally attacked in all senses by itself, on a day to day basis, anxiety can leave a person tired, feeling sick or nauseous for no reason,with aching muscles from unconscious tensing, loss of appetite, ground down teeth, a permanently fast heart rate, random shaking or shivering and experiencing smells and tastes differently. (I personally suffer from all of these things and until reading up on it didn't put two and two together.)
7. Despite there being many different forms of treatment for anxiety and panic disorder, nearly 2 out of 3 people who suffer actually seek or accept treatment and help for it.
8. Medication is not the only way! Treatment such as meditation, exercise, eating healthily, cognitive behavioral therapy, counselling and psychotherapy are all non-pharmaceutical ways of helping people to cope with anxiety and panic disorder. Studies show that just 20 minutes of meditation can reduce anxiety by 40%. (I was personally told this fact by my own doctor. He explained that medication is the last option of treatment to be able to tackle the hormone imbalance head on, and strategies that don't involve medication are usually favoured.)
9. 5 in every 100 people suffer from anxiety as a mental health condition, and 10 in every 100 people suffer with mixed anxiety and depression. There are a lot more people that you think.
10. 1 in 10 children aged 5-16 suffer from some form of treatable anxiety but this usually goes unrecognised and untreated due to their age, mental development and perceived influence of peer groups or 'phases'.
Some of these facts really shocked me. Before I told people about my condition, I knew people suffered too but I didn't realise how many and I didn't realise how complex it really was. I've learnt a lot just by doing this research for myself and I hope these facts have helped you understand and learn a bit more too.
Love Luce xo
Sunday, 22 November 2015
Stages of a Panic Attack | My Personal Experience.
Since suffering with many panic attacks throughout the past year, and regularly being asked 'what does it feel like?', I thought it would be a good idea to talk about the different stages of a panic attack from my personal perspective as the sufferer, and also explain why it happens from a medical/nursing perspective. As I have mentioned before, panic attacks do not affect everyone with anxiety, and is more connected to my panic disorder, but they happen differently for every person. As part of my treatment plan, I had to explain to my doctor what happens to me during a panic attack to ensure it was all 'normal' and, rest assured, all of my symptoms are 'normal'. My panic attacks are either triggered by something that makes me feel vulnerable or threatened, like a certain environment or bad thoughts, or on some occurrences, I have experienced them with no trigger at all, but they do usually occur in the same order of symptoms and for the same amount of time.
Firstly, my heart rate will increase and pump so hard it feels like it is going to fall out of my chest. I can hear it in my ears, I can feel it more than I have ever felt my heart before. Although it is the first sign of my panic attack coming on, it also occurs when I am just feeling anxious or uneasy on a day to day basis so, for me, it isn't the ultimate 'I'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. This happens due to the sudden increase in adrenaline that gets released into the blood stream, which puts your body into 'fight or flight' mode and the heart has to work harder to get oxygen to the muscles to be able to fight or run away.
My breathing will start to increase. I don't always notice this happening as it usually happens at the same time as my heart beating fast and I'm usually too focused on controlling that, but my breathes will become shorter and faster and if I don't manage to calm myself down, I start to hyperventilate. Hyperventilation is the most horrible symptom for me as I struggle really really hard to calm my breathing down. During a panic attack, I will genuinely feel like i'm drowning and that I can't physically get my breath. 'I can't breathe' is usually the only think I say during a panic attack. This happens due to the body thinking it needs more oxygen for fight or flight and so will breathe faster to drag more oxygen in, however, hyperventilation is the body breathing off more carbon dioxide that in can produce using the oxygen it is inhaling. It gives the feeling that there is not enough air in the body when actually, there is too much, and you begin to literally drown in air.
My body will then have a hot flush from my feet up to my head, almost like the feeling when you open to oven door and the hot air hits you, and then I will start to tingle. For me this is my 'i'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. When this happens, I know I either need to help myself right now, or find somewhere to go where I can be safe and calm myself down for the panic attack to take over. It starts in my face and hands and will travel up my arms down my legs and into my toes. The only way I can describe it is like the feeling after pins and needles but a bit less painful and lasts a lot longer. It can turn into more of a numbness in my fingers and toes but will usually remain tingley throughout the whole attack. This happens due to blood rushing away from the skin and to the muscles for fight or flight again, leaving it tingly and cold.
My vision will begin to distort. I can only describe it as being similar to watching static on a TV. My vision doesn't become blurred and the room doesn't spin but its almost like the world is flashing on and off in front of me. This makes me feel dizzy and I feel like I need to close my eyes. This happens due to the increase in my blood pressure and heart rate. It also occurs due to pupil dilation happening for 'fight or flight' which increases light sensitivity, hence the flashing.
My hearing will also be affected. Not completely but suddenly it will sound like I am underwater, or have an earplug in, and everything is muffled. Strangely, it affects one ear, then swaps to the other, then back to the other and will not affect both my ears at the same time. This symptom also makes me feel very dizzy. This hearing distortion happens due to the 'fight or flight response' again and is called 'auditory exclusion' where your body blocks out sounds to help you focus on fighting or running away.
Then I will begin to feel sick. Sometimes it's a mild niggling nausea which wont shift, other times it's a 'get me to a toilet, I'm going to be sick' sort of feeling. Despite this symptom, I have never vomited during a panic attack but will always sit by a toilet when I get to this stage if I can. This is because the blood in the digestive tract flows away from your stomach and to your muscles, again, ready for your body to fight or run away and so digestion slows down which can cause nausea and in some cases vomiting.
I will shake. Hard. To the point where i'm sweating because the shaking has caused me to involuntary warm myself up. It will start in my hands and knees and spread throughout the attack. 9/10 I will need to sit down as I have previously collapsed due to my knees giving way from underneath me during a panic attack. This happens due to the release of adrenaline in the body, hyping the body up to fight or run away.
Finally, I will cry. Crying usually happens when I experience a panic attack. Usually because I am scared and out of control. Even though I have experienced them before, I will still feel like I am dying each and every time I have one, and it is petrifying. Afterwards, I will cry too, out of embarrassment usually and due to not feeling good at all. I have had panic attacks where I don't cry but these will often be the attacks which affect me more afterwards, as I feel more tired and more 'run down' when I haven't cried. Odd, I know.
Even as a student nurse, I still feel all of these things and still feel like my life is about to end for between 10-30 minutes despite knowing the medical side to it all, however they can happen one after the other so can be longer. As you can imagine, after a panic attack, I sleep. My body is weak, my emotions are all over the place and I feel very blank and empty. My muscles ache and my jaw will ache from tensing throughout. It feels like I've sprinted for 30 minutes without a break - out of breath, nauseous, hot, and aching all over.
I hope you have found this post interesting and has given those of you that have had no experience of a panic attack some new information, and has given those of you who have had experience of a panic attack know that you're not alone, and what you feel is completely normal. I will be doing a post on how I calm myself down and bring me out of an attack in the near future and will write one on what to do if someone you're with has a panic attack too, so look out for them.
Love Luce xo
Firstly, my heart rate will increase and pump so hard it feels like it is going to fall out of my chest. I can hear it in my ears, I can feel it more than I have ever felt my heart before. Although it is the first sign of my panic attack coming on, it also occurs when I am just feeling anxious or uneasy on a day to day basis so, for me, it isn't the ultimate 'I'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. This happens due to the sudden increase in adrenaline that gets released into the blood stream, which puts your body into 'fight or flight' mode and the heart has to work harder to get oxygen to the muscles to be able to fight or run away.
My breathing will start to increase. I don't always notice this happening as it usually happens at the same time as my heart beating fast and I'm usually too focused on controlling that, but my breathes will become shorter and faster and if I don't manage to calm myself down, I start to hyperventilate. Hyperventilation is the most horrible symptom for me as I struggle really really hard to calm my breathing down. During a panic attack, I will genuinely feel like i'm drowning and that I can't physically get my breath. 'I can't breathe' is usually the only think I say during a panic attack. This happens due to the body thinking it needs more oxygen for fight or flight and so will breathe faster to drag more oxygen in, however, hyperventilation is the body breathing off more carbon dioxide that in can produce using the oxygen it is inhaling. It gives the feeling that there is not enough air in the body when actually, there is too much, and you begin to literally drown in air.
My body will then have a hot flush from my feet up to my head, almost like the feeling when you open to oven door and the hot air hits you, and then I will start to tingle. For me this is my 'i'm going to have a panic attack' symptom. When this happens, I know I either need to help myself right now, or find somewhere to go where I can be safe and calm myself down for the panic attack to take over. It starts in my face and hands and will travel up my arms down my legs and into my toes. The only way I can describe it is like the feeling after pins and needles but a bit less painful and lasts a lot longer. It can turn into more of a numbness in my fingers and toes but will usually remain tingley throughout the whole attack. This happens due to blood rushing away from the skin and to the muscles for fight or flight again, leaving it tingly and cold.
My vision will begin to distort. I can only describe it as being similar to watching static on a TV. My vision doesn't become blurred and the room doesn't spin but its almost like the world is flashing on and off in front of me. This makes me feel dizzy and I feel like I need to close my eyes. This happens due to the increase in my blood pressure and heart rate. It also occurs due to pupil dilation happening for 'fight or flight' which increases light sensitivity, hence the flashing.
My hearing will also be affected. Not completely but suddenly it will sound like I am underwater, or have an earplug in, and everything is muffled. Strangely, it affects one ear, then swaps to the other, then back to the other and will not affect both my ears at the same time. This symptom also makes me feel very dizzy. This hearing distortion happens due to the 'fight or flight response' again and is called 'auditory exclusion' where your body blocks out sounds to help you focus on fighting or running away.
Then I will begin to feel sick. Sometimes it's a mild niggling nausea which wont shift, other times it's a 'get me to a toilet, I'm going to be sick' sort of feeling. Despite this symptom, I have never vomited during a panic attack but will always sit by a toilet when I get to this stage if I can. This is because the blood in the digestive tract flows away from your stomach and to your muscles, again, ready for your body to fight or run away and so digestion slows down which can cause nausea and in some cases vomiting.
I will shake. Hard. To the point where i'm sweating because the shaking has caused me to involuntary warm myself up. It will start in my hands and knees and spread throughout the attack. 9/10 I will need to sit down as I have previously collapsed due to my knees giving way from underneath me during a panic attack. This happens due to the release of adrenaline in the body, hyping the body up to fight or run away.
Finally, I will cry. Crying usually happens when I experience a panic attack. Usually because I am scared and out of control. Even though I have experienced them before, I will still feel like I am dying each and every time I have one, and it is petrifying. Afterwards, I will cry too, out of embarrassment usually and due to not feeling good at all. I have had panic attacks where I don't cry but these will often be the attacks which affect me more afterwards, as I feel more tired and more 'run down' when I haven't cried. Odd, I know.
Even as a student nurse, I still feel all of these things and still feel like my life is about to end for between 10-30 minutes despite knowing the medical side to it all, however they can happen one after the other so can be longer. As you can imagine, after a panic attack, I sleep. My body is weak, my emotions are all over the place and I feel very blank and empty. My muscles ache and my jaw will ache from tensing throughout. It feels like I've sprinted for 30 minutes without a break - out of breath, nauseous, hot, and aching all over.
I hope you have found this post interesting and has given those of you that have had no experience of a panic attack some new information, and has given those of you who have had experience of a panic attack know that you're not alone, and what you feel is completely normal. I will be doing a post on how I calm myself down and bring me out of an attack in the near future and will write one on what to do if someone you're with has a panic attack too, so look out for them.
Love Luce xo
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
Thank God for 'Nurse Mode' | Dealing with Adrenaline Surges.
Adrenaline
noun
"Adrenaline is a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands and released into the bloodstream to serve as a chemical mediator. Adrenaline has many different actions depending on the type of cells it is acting upon, however the overall effect of adrenaline is to prepare the body for the 'fight or flight' response in times of stress. It increases heart rate, increases blood pressure, expanding the air passages of the lungs, enlarging pupils, redistributing blood to muscles and altering the body's metabolism"
Commonly experienced in those who suffer from anxiety, surges of adrenaline are released for no reason at all and can develop into strong anxiety or a panic attack. This weekend, I felt adrenaline being released at the right time for the right reason, for the first time in months.
I often get surges of adrenaline while i'm on my nursing placement due to the nature of the job. Having to be on the ball at all times, not only to structure my tasks and efficiently working throughout the day at fast pace, but to be ready to react to an emergency situation. I have experienced having to stop what i'm doing and jump into 'life saving mode' many times, with patients who have choked on their sandwich, elderly patients who have fallen and even a patient who went into cardiac arrest, so it is not uncommon for my adrenaline to fill me with the energy and strength I need.
After having to end my last clinical placement of 2nd year early due to my sickness, I experienced these surges of adrenaline more and more while sat watching TV, while on my phone or laptop, while talking with friends, for no reason, and although I had experienced what I like to call 'unneeded adrenaline' before, this was a lot stronger and a lot more difficult to control and calm down. These surges brought on panic attacks and strong anxiety that became noticeably difficult for me to shake off like I was used to being able to do. So since my last placement, around 10 weeks ago, I had not felt 'needed adrenaline', until this weekend.
My best friend text me Sunday morning telling me that following 2 head collisions during his game of rugby the Wednesday before (which worried me anyway!), that his nose had started bleeding, that his headaches had got no better, his hearing was muffled on one side and he had bruising behind one of his ears. The nurse in me, using the knowledge I've learnt from lectures and patients I've cared for myself, diagnosed this as a severe head injury - worse than the concussion he self-diagnosed himself with. Of course, I explained this to him and told him to go to his local walk in centre immediately. The walk in centre checked him over and told him he needed to go to A&E as the nosebleed shouldn't have happened under the circumstances and there could be some cranial damage. When he texted me all this, my adrenaline hit the roof. Baring in mind, my anxiety levels have been good for around a week now, it was a shock to the system. While walking down to A&E to meet him so he wasn't alone, such bad, irrational thoughts were crossing my mind. What if he collapses on his way here? What if he's left it too long to be able to help him get better? Should I have made him go to A&E earlier than today? When he got there, alive, I immediately felt better because he was orientated, alert, still able to make jokes and be on Tinder. He checked in and we were told to sit in the Minors waiting area. Surprisingly, over hearing the busy rush of A&E and the hospital in general calmed me and I felt like I was in familiar surroundings. It reassured me that the adrenaline rushing around inside of me was normal and okay and that settled me alot. An hour passed and he was called in by the doctor who told him he needed a CT scan on his head and neck to check for fractures and internal damage to the brain, and this news sent another surge of adrenaline around my body. Of course, I wasn't going to let him know this, but I was scared, probably more than he was, but like my Mum always tells me "Lucy, you know too much when it comes to health". I could feel myself buzzing and my feet were going tingly like they sometimes do when I'm about to have a panic attack. I unconsciously started tapping my feet to get rid of the horrible sensation and remind myself that he was in the best possible place but still I was thinking irrational thoughts. There's going to be something wrong with him. What if he collapses in the waiting area? Will I know what to do? I was scared, at this point that my anxiety I was feeling wouldn't calm down, but it was quite clear that he was in a lot of pain with another headache and although not showing it, must have been worried so my brain rationally clicked into nurse mode and I was fine again. No tingles, no irrational thoughts. I felt these surges throughout the night, sat outside the CT room, waiting for his scan to be finished, waiting for the results of it and finally when the nurse told him what was wrong. "You've fractured your mastoid bone". Now I knew what this was before he did - he'd fractured his skull, just behind his ear. It was big shock as it is very uncommon to break this part of the skull, and again I the adrenaline crept up on me, so much so I ended up almost dancing on the spot to try and shake it off and blamed it on feeling loopy and it being 2am. I was expecting slight bruising to the brain or something like that but not a skull fracture. This was causing the headaches, the bruising, the nosebleeds and the muffled hearing as it was pressing on his ear canal. While she was explaining it all to him, again, I clicked into nurse mode and felt absolutely fine again, like I was there as a nurse supporting a patient. Thankfully there was no cranial damage.
This time last month, I was so worried about what I'd be like having to walk back onto a ward of patients, many very ill, and have to deal with adrenaline surges again. Would I have to try really hard to direct it where it needs to go? What if I don't get them when I need them? What if I get them when I don't need them and I can't shake it off? After this weekend, I know that I can go back to what I love doing. I can use the adrenaline thrust upon me for a reason and use nurse mode to shake it off. Nurses need it, and I do sometimes wonder if maybe it doesn't help my anxiety that I am so prone to having moments where I need adrenaline fast. It's also taught me that I can handle my anxiety, and I can put others first, put a brave face on and come out with a genuine smile. I am so proud of myself for what I achieved Sunday night and it's shown how much I have developed with my anxiety and panic disorder. I was telling another friend about it all today and she said "8 weeks ago, there is no way you could have handled hearing that sort of news from him, let alone willingly support him through it all, especially with that sort of outcome" and it's true. I wouldn't have been able to, but now I know I can. I know that hospitals and helping those in need is were I belong and is where I feel most comfortable. It's where I can be me.
Love Luce xo
noun
"Adrenaline is a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands and released into the bloodstream to serve as a chemical mediator. Adrenaline has many different actions depending on the type of cells it is acting upon, however the overall effect of adrenaline is to prepare the body for the 'fight or flight' response in times of stress. It increases heart rate, increases blood pressure, expanding the air passages of the lungs, enlarging pupils, redistributing blood to muscles and altering the body's metabolism"
Commonly experienced in those who suffer from anxiety, surges of adrenaline are released for no reason at all and can develop into strong anxiety or a panic attack. This weekend, I felt adrenaline being released at the right time for the right reason, for the first time in months.
I often get surges of adrenaline while i'm on my nursing placement due to the nature of the job. Having to be on the ball at all times, not only to structure my tasks and efficiently working throughout the day at fast pace, but to be ready to react to an emergency situation. I have experienced having to stop what i'm doing and jump into 'life saving mode' many times, with patients who have choked on their sandwich, elderly patients who have fallen and even a patient who went into cardiac arrest, so it is not uncommon for my adrenaline to fill me with the energy and strength I need.
After having to end my last clinical placement of 2nd year early due to my sickness, I experienced these surges of adrenaline more and more while sat watching TV, while on my phone or laptop, while talking with friends, for no reason, and although I had experienced what I like to call 'unneeded adrenaline' before, this was a lot stronger and a lot more difficult to control and calm down. These surges brought on panic attacks and strong anxiety that became noticeably difficult for me to shake off like I was used to being able to do. So since my last placement, around 10 weeks ago, I had not felt 'needed adrenaline', until this weekend.
My best friend text me Sunday morning telling me that following 2 head collisions during his game of rugby the Wednesday before (which worried me anyway!), that his nose had started bleeding, that his headaches had got no better, his hearing was muffled on one side and he had bruising behind one of his ears. The nurse in me, using the knowledge I've learnt from lectures and patients I've cared for myself, diagnosed this as a severe head injury - worse than the concussion he self-diagnosed himself with. Of course, I explained this to him and told him to go to his local walk in centre immediately. The walk in centre checked him over and told him he needed to go to A&E as the nosebleed shouldn't have happened under the circumstances and there could be some cranial damage. When he texted me all this, my adrenaline hit the roof. Baring in mind, my anxiety levels have been good for around a week now, it was a shock to the system. While walking down to A&E to meet him so he wasn't alone, such bad, irrational thoughts were crossing my mind. What if he collapses on his way here? What if he's left it too long to be able to help him get better? Should I have made him go to A&E earlier than today? When he got there, alive, I immediately felt better because he was orientated, alert, still able to make jokes and be on Tinder. He checked in and we were told to sit in the Minors waiting area. Surprisingly, over hearing the busy rush of A&E and the hospital in general calmed me and I felt like I was in familiar surroundings. It reassured me that the adrenaline rushing around inside of me was normal and okay and that settled me alot. An hour passed and he was called in by the doctor who told him he needed a CT scan on his head and neck to check for fractures and internal damage to the brain, and this news sent another surge of adrenaline around my body. Of course, I wasn't going to let him know this, but I was scared, probably more than he was, but like my Mum always tells me "Lucy, you know too much when it comes to health". I could feel myself buzzing and my feet were going tingly like they sometimes do when I'm about to have a panic attack. I unconsciously started tapping my feet to get rid of the horrible sensation and remind myself that he was in the best possible place but still I was thinking irrational thoughts. There's going to be something wrong with him. What if he collapses in the waiting area? Will I know what to do? I was scared, at this point that my anxiety I was feeling wouldn't calm down, but it was quite clear that he was in a lot of pain with another headache and although not showing it, must have been worried so my brain rationally clicked into nurse mode and I was fine again. No tingles, no irrational thoughts. I felt these surges throughout the night, sat outside the CT room, waiting for his scan to be finished, waiting for the results of it and finally when the nurse told him what was wrong. "You've fractured your mastoid bone". Now I knew what this was before he did - he'd fractured his skull, just behind his ear. It was big shock as it is very uncommon to break this part of the skull, and again I the adrenaline crept up on me, so much so I ended up almost dancing on the spot to try and shake it off and blamed it on feeling loopy and it being 2am. I was expecting slight bruising to the brain or something like that but not a skull fracture. This was causing the headaches, the bruising, the nosebleeds and the muffled hearing as it was pressing on his ear canal. While she was explaining it all to him, again, I clicked into nurse mode and felt absolutely fine again, like I was there as a nurse supporting a patient. Thankfully there was no cranial damage.
This time last month, I was so worried about what I'd be like having to walk back onto a ward of patients, many very ill, and have to deal with adrenaline surges again. Would I have to try really hard to direct it where it needs to go? What if I don't get them when I need them? What if I get them when I don't need them and I can't shake it off? After this weekend, I know that I can go back to what I love doing. I can use the adrenaline thrust upon me for a reason and use nurse mode to shake it off. Nurses need it, and I do sometimes wonder if maybe it doesn't help my anxiety that I am so prone to having moments where I need adrenaline fast. It's also taught me that I can handle my anxiety, and I can put others first, put a brave face on and come out with a genuine smile. I am so proud of myself for what I achieved Sunday night and it's shown how much I have developed with my anxiety and panic disorder. I was telling another friend about it all today and she said "8 weeks ago, there is no way you could have handled hearing that sort of news from him, let alone willingly support him through it all, especially with that sort of outcome" and it's true. I wouldn't have been able to, but now I know I can. I know that hospitals and helping those in need is were I belong and is where I feel most comfortable. It's where I can be me.
Love Luce xo
Sunday, 1 November 2015
Mental Health | An Alternative Perspective.
Having a mental health illness such as anxiety and panic disorder doesn't just affect the person suffering from it. It affects those closest too them too. For me, I kept my problems and diagnosis hidden from a lot of people and only told people I felt I had to tell and those I trusted to keep it a secret. After all, I was embarrassed and incredibly guilty for feeling how I was feeling and worried what people would think of me, which looking back was not how I should have been feeling at all. By telling those closest to me, I was able to get the support needed, have them on my side and I didn't feel like I had to go through it alone. I was intrigued to pick the thoughts from my nearest and dearest about my diagnosis and how their thoughts on anxiety and mental health in general have changed since.
My Boyfriend of 6 years.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
I knew you had some anxiety problems but I never realised how bad they were. To begin with, I felt like I was treading on eggshells around you because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I didn't know anything about anxiety or panic disorder so I didn't really know how you needed to be helped. After I asked you how I could help and you told me, it's become easier because I know what I should and shouldn't say and do and what to do if you have a particularly anxious moment or panic.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I knew people suffered from it but I didn't understand why or how they came to suffer. In all honesty, I didn't really believe it. I thought that people who had mental health problems were people in secure hospital units and had to be retrained like in films and I really had no idea of how many different levels and types of mental health conditions there were.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
Mental health as a whole is something not enough people know about. It's brushed under the carpet and it really shouldn't be. I understand the biological factors of mental health specific to your condition now and feel it really should be treated the same as a physiological injury or condition.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Whenever I'm not with you, I can't help, and because were so far away at different universities, I can't just pop over and help calm you down or be there for you. I can ring or FaceTime you, but it's not the same. I don't like knowing that at times, you're physically on your own when you feel low.
My Mum.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
Worried because I was out of control and wasn't able to make you better like if you had a tummy bug or a cold. I also felt guilty especially due to the fact your Dad and I and the way we dealt with the 'Queensgate situation' was technically the cause of your anxiety and I'm you're mum so I fundamentally feel like it's my fault. I also was scared of what it could develop into, and was scared of how you would handle it all.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
Very open minded as I have experienced mental health in my working and personal life. Although it's still not talked about enough and understood by many, I feel like it's better than it was 30 years ago when I first came across mental illness. I did understand the biological side of mental health from my healthcare training and experiencing mental illness in my family.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I've always had a very open minded approach to mental health and fully understand it can affect anyone whoever they are. Its not about the type of person they are, it's about a chemical imbalance. However, different personalities are able to handle this in different ways and it does affect everyone differently.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Not being able to help you in anyway. I can't do anything to make you feel better when you are having a bad day, it is out of my control (and I'm a control freak!). However, I am very proud of how you deal with it and I am proud of you for how you are turning it around from being a negative thing for you into a positive thing to help yourself and others.
My Dad.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
At first, I was in a state of denial (I suppose I still am). I honestly thought you knew too much being a student nurse and was reading into it too deeply. Even when you were signed off by the doctor for being too unwell to work or be at university, I told myself you were exhausted and your body was just too tired. I just didn't want to believe it.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I wrongly joked about it. It's very common for people to joke about topics they have a lack of understanding about and I was one of those people. I believed that those with mental health conditions were in asylums, not normal people living normal everyday lives.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I have a deeper understanding of it all now, especially thanks to you writing this blog as not everything you type up for on here you say out loud to me and your Mum. But, I still try not to think too deeply about it as I don't want to believe it all.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Guilt. People always say "it's always the parents fault" and it does make me feel guilty. Even though you always tell us it's not our fault, I will always feel guilty. As your Dad, I helped build the building blocks for your life, and in my eyes, there must have been something go wrong for you to be how you are now.
My Brother.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
When you was first diagnosed, I didn't even know - no one told me in case I worried too much. When I found out though, I didn't really believe it, probably because I couldn't see anything wrong with you. Once you and others talked to me a bit more about it, I understood it more and just wanted you to be okay.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I thought people who had mental health conditions were those whose mental illness shows in their personality, the way they think, talk or do things. Like schizophrenics talking to voices. I never really understood the different types of mental health conditions at all.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
That people with a mental health illness aren't 'insane' or 'mental' as is can sometimes be shown in the media or on TV programmes and films. I also know that it affects a lot more people than I realised, its not always obvious at all and it should be talked about more.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
I don't find it hard really now that I understand it. Because we don't live together any more, I keep updated with your blog too to help me learn about it more as well as talking on the phone and texting to know you're okay. I just have to be a nice and supportive brother and then it's okay for us both.
My Best Friend
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
I was confused. I didn't know anything about any of it, at all, and I didn't really know how to handle it. I didn't realise it was as bad as you had been telling me, and I didn't now how to help. But I definitely was very confused about it all.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I never had any experience of it so I never really thought about it. I think that unless you come face to face with it or have first hand experience of it, it's not something that really concerns you.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I'm more aware of it all and how it affects people. I know about the problems it can cause people from what you tell me about what you feel you can and cant do, and I am definitely more sympathetic about it all.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
In all honesty, it can be hard having to hear you say the things you say when you're anxious. It's difficult to understand why you say the things you do but I do try and put that to the back of my mind and think 'okay, this is the anxiety talking' and do the best I can. I have to give you frequent boosts of confidence to keep you going sometimes which can be hard too, to know I have to do that, but I do it because it helps you.
I hope this post helps you understand how others feel around the topic of mental health and anxiety and panic disorder in particular. For those of you worried about speaking to a parent, a friend, a sibling or a partner about how you're feeling, I hope this helps you open up and talk to someone about it all. Even though it is a very challenging concept to understand for people who do not have experience or and education of it, in my experience, the people nearest to you love you for you, will try their best to understand and empathise and will always be there to support you and help you get through the bad times.
Love Luce xo
My Boyfriend of 6 years.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
I knew you had some anxiety problems but I never realised how bad they were. To begin with, I felt like I was treading on eggshells around you because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I didn't know anything about anxiety or panic disorder so I didn't really know how you needed to be helped. After I asked you how I could help and you told me, it's become easier because I know what I should and shouldn't say and do and what to do if you have a particularly anxious moment or panic.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I knew people suffered from it but I didn't understand why or how they came to suffer. In all honesty, I didn't really believe it. I thought that people who had mental health problems were people in secure hospital units and had to be retrained like in films and I really had no idea of how many different levels and types of mental health conditions there were.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
Mental health as a whole is something not enough people know about. It's brushed under the carpet and it really shouldn't be. I understand the biological factors of mental health specific to your condition now and feel it really should be treated the same as a physiological injury or condition.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Whenever I'm not with you, I can't help, and because were so far away at different universities, I can't just pop over and help calm you down or be there for you. I can ring or FaceTime you, but it's not the same. I don't like knowing that at times, you're physically on your own when you feel low.
My Mum.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
Worried because I was out of control and wasn't able to make you better like if you had a tummy bug or a cold. I also felt guilty especially due to the fact your Dad and I and the way we dealt with the 'Queensgate situation' was technically the cause of your anxiety and I'm you're mum so I fundamentally feel like it's my fault. I also was scared of what it could develop into, and was scared of how you would handle it all.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
Very open minded as I have experienced mental health in my working and personal life. Although it's still not talked about enough and understood by many, I feel like it's better than it was 30 years ago when I first came across mental illness. I did understand the biological side of mental health from my healthcare training and experiencing mental illness in my family.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I've always had a very open minded approach to mental health and fully understand it can affect anyone whoever they are. Its not about the type of person they are, it's about a chemical imbalance. However, different personalities are able to handle this in different ways and it does affect everyone differently.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Not being able to help you in anyway. I can't do anything to make you feel better when you are having a bad day, it is out of my control (and I'm a control freak!). However, I am very proud of how you deal with it and I am proud of you for how you are turning it around from being a negative thing for you into a positive thing to help yourself and others.
My Dad.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
At first, I was in a state of denial (I suppose I still am). I honestly thought you knew too much being a student nurse and was reading into it too deeply. Even when you were signed off by the doctor for being too unwell to work or be at university, I told myself you were exhausted and your body was just too tired. I just didn't want to believe it.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I wrongly joked about it. It's very common for people to joke about topics they have a lack of understanding about and I was one of those people. I believed that those with mental health conditions were in asylums, not normal people living normal everyday lives.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I have a deeper understanding of it all now, especially thanks to you writing this blog as not everything you type up for on here you say out loud to me and your Mum. But, I still try not to think too deeply about it as I don't want to believe it all.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
Guilt. People always say "it's always the parents fault" and it does make me feel guilty. Even though you always tell us it's not our fault, I will always feel guilty. As your Dad, I helped build the building blocks for your life, and in my eyes, there must have been something go wrong for you to be how you are now.
My Brother.
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
When you was first diagnosed, I didn't even know - no one told me in case I worried too much. When I found out though, I didn't really believe it, probably because I couldn't see anything wrong with you. Once you and others talked to me a bit more about it, I understood it more and just wanted you to be okay.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I thought people who had mental health conditions were those whose mental illness shows in their personality, the way they think, talk or do things. Like schizophrenics talking to voices. I never really understood the different types of mental health conditions at all.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
That people with a mental health illness aren't 'insane' or 'mental' as is can sometimes be shown in the media or on TV programmes and films. I also know that it affects a lot more people than I realised, its not always obvious at all and it should be talked about more.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
I don't find it hard really now that I understand it. Because we don't live together any more, I keep updated with your blog too to help me learn about it more as well as talking on the phone and texting to know you're okay. I just have to be a nice and supportive brother and then it's okay for us both.
My Best Friend
How did you feel when I told you I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder?
I was confused. I didn't know anything about any of it, at all, and I didn't really know how to handle it. I didn't realise it was as bad as you had been telling me, and I didn't now how to help. But I definitely was very confused about it all.
What were your thoughts and views on mental health as a whole before my diagnosis?
I never had any experience of it so I never really thought about it. I think that unless you come face to face with it or have first hand experience of it, it's not something that really concerns you.
How do you view mental health as a whole now?
I'm more aware of it all and how it affects people. I know about the problems it can cause people from what you tell me about what you feel you can and cant do, and I am definitely more sympathetic about it all.
What is the hardest part of me suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for you?
In all honesty, it can be hard having to hear you say the things you say when you're anxious. It's difficult to understand why you say the things you do but I do try and put that to the back of my mind and think 'okay, this is the anxiety talking' and do the best I can. I have to give you frequent boosts of confidence to keep you going sometimes which can be hard too, to know I have to do that, but I do it because it helps you.
I hope this post helps you understand how others feel around the topic of mental health and anxiety and panic disorder in particular. For those of you worried about speaking to a parent, a friend, a sibling or a partner about how you're feeling, I hope this helps you open up and talk to someone about it all. Even though it is a very challenging concept to understand for people who do not have experience or and education of it, in my experience, the people nearest to you love you for you, will try their best to understand and empathise and will always be there to support you and help you get through the bad times.
Love Luce xo
Saturday, 24 October 2015
Anxiety and Panic Disorder | My Diagnosis.
I never thought I would be someone who would suffer with a mental health condition. Before starting my nursing degree, I thought that someone with mental health conditions were the type of people you see on Shutter Island or on documentaries looking into insane asylums. I couldn't have been more wrong. I have always been a worrier, always been clingy, always panicked and got anxious and upset over the smallest things even as a small child, and I will talk about all of this in a future blog post.
Over the summer months of this year, I felt my anxiety and fear of everything get worse and worse to the point where I stayed in bed, feeling homesick, feeling physically unwell and struggling to talk to anyone about it. One morning, I was on a shift at my placement, setting equipment up, no patients had even arrived yet when, out of nowhere, I started to feel that well known drop in my stomach, flood of heat from my feet to my head and suddenly my heart started racing. I had to take a breather in the treatment room. I had told myself that if my anxiety ever bothered me while i'm at work, I would do something about it and so finally decided to call up my doctors surgery for help and advice. I saw a doctor that evening and he spent a long time talking things through with me, explaining what anxiety is and how it affects the body and how I have been suffering with it and coping with it. I told him that as soon as I feel my heart begin to race, everything escalates and makes me worse. With this, he took my pulse, which although I was calm, was around 117bpm (normal resting heart rate is between 60 and 100bpm) and prescribed me Propanalol 3 times daily. Propanolol is a medication which targets the natural pacemaker of the heart (sinoatrial node) to help calm the heart rate down to a normal level in hope that when I experienced a particularly anxious moment, my heart wont beat out of control as is had been doing. Although doing what it was meant to do and keeping my pulse at around 60-70bpm resting, it gave me awful side effects which included terrible insomnia, lack of appetite, fatigue and tiredness all the time and I just generally lost my energy and motivation to do anything.
4 weeks later, at my medication review, my doctor was not happy with the side effects I was experiencing and explained that in the long run, it could have a detrimental effect on my health and energy levels, especially because I was on my placement at the time which wouldn't help the situation. I came off Propanolol and was prescribed Citalopram 1-2 times daily. Citalopram is a selective serotonin re uptake inhibitoror SSRI, so stimulates the release of more of the 'happiness' hormone, serotonin. I was wary about starting on Citalopram due to the fact that it belongs to the family of anti-depressants, and although I was experiencing periods of very low moods, I was not depressed. I was anxious. My doctor explained how it would benefit me and help me and also explained how it was very common to experience some side effects from the medication for up to 4 weeks while the body becomes accustom to it, however I trusted my doctor and began taking them. It was here that I got given the diagnosis of 'Anxiety and Panic Disorder'.
2 days into my Citalopram, I woke up, took my tablet and got ready for my 13 hour shift. I felt fine. I walked to the bus stop, caught my bus, walked onto the ward. I still felt fine. The night staff began handing over any over night changes to us. As we walked into the last bay of patients, I said 'Good Morning' to my patients one by one and listened to the night nurse hand over. Three patients in, I began to feel very shakey and my heart began to race like I have never felt it race before. I could also hear only my heart beat - it was almostlike someone had turned the volume off in the world and all I could hear was my heartbeat. My fingers and right side of my face went numb and my vision became distorted, not blurred, sort of like blotchy and like I was looking at a TV on static, and then a rush of heat flew up to my head. As I turned to tell the nurse I was working with that I was going to take a breather, I collapsed. I never lost consciousness and luckily, my knees buckled under me so I didn't hit my head on anything. The staff grabbed an observation machine and checked my vitals. Everything was sky high and the nurse in change told me to get to A&E so they can check out my heart as my heart rate and blood pressure was scarily high.
In A&E they did an ECG, did my vital observations again which had slowed down slightly. After being poked and prodded, I saw a doctor who looked at my symptoms, looked at my doctors notes from recent appointments and quite bluntly said 'you've had a panic attack'. I didn't believe him. I told him that i've had a panic attack before and I know that what just happened wasn't a panic attack, nothing had triggered it - I was fine before. He explained that all my symptoms, 13 hour shifts, other stresses from personal life, plus the side effects still remaining from the Propanolol had exhausted my body and just put my into a state of panic . He then leaned over his desk and said "My dear, panic attacks don't always need a trigger. Its your body thinking you need to escape from somewhere, or sometimes even escape from yourself". He also explained that for the first few weeks of starting on Citalopram, anxiety can get worse before it gets better (he was spot on!). So he prescribed me one dose of Lorezopam, another anti-anxiety medication, told me to take one and go to bed for the rest of the day. I did.
The next day, I emailed my personal tutor at university to let him know what had happened as it's university-placement protocol to let your personal tutor know if you have had a day off or have been absent. The reply I received back told me to phone my placement, tell them I wont be returning (I had 4 weeks left) and to see my doctor as I didn't sound well enough to continue caring for others. I saw a lovely doctor the day after who took one look at me and signed me off sick for a month. I went home to be with my family but I struggled a lot for those 4 weeks mainly due to the fact that my time off sick possibly meant I would have had to move back 6 months on my course to redo an exam I would be missing and to redo my last placement. I tried my hardest to push against all of the side effects and bad thoughts I experienced and 2-3 weeks in, with the help of my family, I finally began to feel better.
My medication is working well and my doctor is very happy with my progress. It also helps that my lecturers, personal tutor and programme leader are all nurses and so showed empathy and support when I returned back. I wasn't in the end made to be deferred 6 months due to the circumstances my sickness was for which was a huge relief for me. As anyone with anxiety will know, I still have my bad days, but I also have amazing days which I never experienced before I started my medication when my anxiety was bad. Everyday I wake up and tell myself to be thankful and happy for who I am and the opportunities, people and things I have in my life. I'm working on becoming healthier and happier and continue to help myself with my anxiety while helping others with their struggles too.
Here are some great links that I personally used when understanding what my diagnosis was and I even used them to help my family, boyfriend and best friend to understand how I was feeling, the struggles I go through at times and to learn how they can help me.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.ViusP_mrTNM
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/panic-disorder/pages/introduction.aspx
I will be writing more posts in the near future detailing what goes on in my mind when I am anxious, how other people in my life see it and deal with it and where my anxiety began and started but if anyone reading this wants to know more information or wants help and advice, please leave a comment or email me - I am always more than happy to help.
Love Luce xo
Over the summer months of this year, I felt my anxiety and fear of everything get worse and worse to the point where I stayed in bed, feeling homesick, feeling physically unwell and struggling to talk to anyone about it. One morning, I was on a shift at my placement, setting equipment up, no patients had even arrived yet when, out of nowhere, I started to feel that well known drop in my stomach, flood of heat from my feet to my head and suddenly my heart started racing. I had to take a breather in the treatment room. I had told myself that if my anxiety ever bothered me while i'm at work, I would do something about it and so finally decided to call up my doctors surgery for help and advice. I saw a doctor that evening and he spent a long time talking things through with me, explaining what anxiety is and how it affects the body and how I have been suffering with it and coping with it. I told him that as soon as I feel my heart begin to race, everything escalates and makes me worse. With this, he took my pulse, which although I was calm, was around 117bpm (normal resting heart rate is between 60 and 100bpm) and prescribed me Propanalol 3 times daily. Propanolol is a medication which targets the natural pacemaker of the heart (sinoatrial node) to help calm the heart rate down to a normal level in hope that when I experienced a particularly anxious moment, my heart wont beat out of control as is had been doing. Although doing what it was meant to do and keeping my pulse at around 60-70bpm resting, it gave me awful side effects which included terrible insomnia, lack of appetite, fatigue and tiredness all the time and I just generally lost my energy and motivation to do anything.
4 weeks later, at my medication review, my doctor was not happy with the side effects I was experiencing and explained that in the long run, it could have a detrimental effect on my health and energy levels, especially because I was on my placement at the time which wouldn't help the situation. I came off Propanolol and was prescribed Citalopram 1-2 times daily. Citalopram is a selective serotonin re uptake inhibitoror SSRI, so stimulates the release of more of the 'happiness' hormone, serotonin. I was wary about starting on Citalopram due to the fact that it belongs to the family of anti-depressants, and although I was experiencing periods of very low moods, I was not depressed. I was anxious. My doctor explained how it would benefit me and help me and also explained how it was very common to experience some side effects from the medication for up to 4 weeks while the body becomes accustom to it, however I trusted my doctor and began taking them. It was here that I got given the diagnosis of 'Anxiety and Panic Disorder'.
2 days into my Citalopram, I woke up, took my tablet and got ready for my 13 hour shift. I felt fine. I walked to the bus stop, caught my bus, walked onto the ward. I still felt fine. The night staff began handing over any over night changes to us. As we walked into the last bay of patients, I said 'Good Morning' to my patients one by one and listened to the night nurse hand over. Three patients in, I began to feel very shakey and my heart began to race like I have never felt it race before. I could also hear only my heart beat - it was almostlike someone had turned the volume off in the world and all I could hear was my heartbeat. My fingers and right side of my face went numb and my vision became distorted, not blurred, sort of like blotchy and like I was looking at a TV on static, and then a rush of heat flew up to my head. As I turned to tell the nurse I was working with that I was going to take a breather, I collapsed. I never lost consciousness and luckily, my knees buckled under me so I didn't hit my head on anything. The staff grabbed an observation machine and checked my vitals. Everything was sky high and the nurse in change told me to get to A&E so they can check out my heart as my heart rate and blood pressure was scarily high.
In A&E they did an ECG, did my vital observations again which had slowed down slightly. After being poked and prodded, I saw a doctor who looked at my symptoms, looked at my doctors notes from recent appointments and quite bluntly said 'you've had a panic attack'. I didn't believe him. I told him that i've had a panic attack before and I know that what just happened wasn't a panic attack, nothing had triggered it - I was fine before. He explained that all my symptoms, 13 hour shifts, other stresses from personal life, plus the side effects still remaining from the Propanolol had exhausted my body and just put my into a state of panic . He then leaned over his desk and said "My dear, panic attacks don't always need a trigger. Its your body thinking you need to escape from somewhere, or sometimes even escape from yourself". He also explained that for the first few weeks of starting on Citalopram, anxiety can get worse before it gets better (he was spot on!). So he prescribed me one dose of Lorezopam, another anti-anxiety medication, told me to take one and go to bed for the rest of the day. I did.
The next day, I emailed my personal tutor at university to let him know what had happened as it's university-placement protocol to let your personal tutor know if you have had a day off or have been absent. The reply I received back told me to phone my placement, tell them I wont be returning (I had 4 weeks left) and to see my doctor as I didn't sound well enough to continue caring for others. I saw a lovely doctor the day after who took one look at me and signed me off sick for a month. I went home to be with my family but I struggled a lot for those 4 weeks mainly due to the fact that my time off sick possibly meant I would have had to move back 6 months on my course to redo an exam I would be missing and to redo my last placement. I tried my hardest to push against all of the side effects and bad thoughts I experienced and 2-3 weeks in, with the help of my family, I finally began to feel better.
My medication is working well and my doctor is very happy with my progress. It also helps that my lecturers, personal tutor and programme leader are all nurses and so showed empathy and support when I returned back. I wasn't in the end made to be deferred 6 months due to the circumstances my sickness was for which was a huge relief for me. As anyone with anxiety will know, I still have my bad days, but I also have amazing days which I never experienced before I started my medication when my anxiety was bad. Everyday I wake up and tell myself to be thankful and happy for who I am and the opportunities, people and things I have in my life. I'm working on becoming healthier and happier and continue to help myself with my anxiety while helping others with their struggles too.
Here are some great links that I personally used when understanding what my diagnosis was and I even used them to help my family, boyfriend and best friend to understand how I was feeling, the struggles I go through at times and to learn how they can help me.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.ViusP_mrTNM
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/panic-disorder/pages/introduction.aspx
I will be writing more posts in the near future detailing what goes on in my mind when I am anxious, how other people in my life see it and deal with it and where my anxiety began and started but if anyone reading this wants to know more information or wants help and advice, please leave a comment or email me - I am always more than happy to help.
Love Luce xo
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